May Girlfriend Ka Na!

Isang araw, may 1 lalaki na nanliligaw at kausap niya ang nililigawan niyang babae..

Boy: Kailan mo ba ako sasagutin?

Girl: Naninigurado lang, teka, may iba ka pa bang nililigawan?

Boy: Wala, syempre.

Girl: Buti namin! Dahil may girlfriend ka na no!!

Boy: Sino ?

Girl: AKO!!!!

Pimples

Yaya: “Huhuhu…”
Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
Ate: “Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?”
Yaya: “Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.”
Ate: “O, bakit ka di makatulog?”
Yaya: “Kasi po may pinoproblema ako…”
Ate: “Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”

Jollibee

Pasahero: Boss Jollibee..

Driver: Hinde ako si Jollibee..

Pasahero: Hinde, magkano sa Jollibee..

Driver: Depende sa value meal boss..

Pasahero: Pucha.. magkano pamasahe sa Jollibee..

Driver: Ang alam ko walang masahista dun..

Pasahero: Pucha nmn, magkano hanggang sa Jollibee..

Driver: Ayy.. sorry ho lagpas na ho tayo..

Sadako?!

Boy1: Tao??

Boy2:OO!!

Boy1: Babae??

Boy2: OO!!

Boy1: Sikat???

Boy2: OO!!!

Boy1: Lumalabas sa tv???

Boy2: OO!! OO!!

Boy1: SADAKO!!!!

Boy2: Tang ina mo! mag hanap ka ng partner mo!!

Isang Linggong Buhay Estudyante

‎"lunes" - ng ako'y pumasok sa eskwela.
"martes" - ng ako'y niyayang mag dota.
"miyerkules" - sa klase kami nag cutting.
"huwebes" - ay inulit kong muli.
"biyernes" - kami ay puno ng kasiyahan kumpleto ang barkada't sa kanto kami ay tumambay.
"sabado" - nagsumbong c mam kay mama.
at pagsapit ng
"linggo" - giliw ako ay bugbug sarado !

Green, Pink, Yellow

Teacher: Who can make a sentence with Green, Pink and Yellow?
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Student: Me me !! The phone goes ringing 'GREEN GREEN' I PINK up the phone. YELLOW , Who's there?

Pang-abay

Vhong: What is a sentence.
Vice:A sentence is a word or a group of words that has complete thought.
Vhong: Wow. eh verb? what is verb?
Vice: A verb is an action word.
Vhong: How about pang-abay? what is pang-abay?
Vice: Pang-abay? slacks, barong, kimona, dat's pang-abay!

Para Ho

(Sumakay siya ng jeep na walang laman papuntang palengke)
Vice: Manong bayad po.
Manong1: Ilan ‘to?
Vice: Ay manong dalawa yan, nakakahiya kasi sayo, kahit ako lang mag-isa sakay mo, dalawa na ibabayad ko, libre na kita kahit sayo 'tong jeep.

(Bababa na sya)
Vice: Manong, para.
Manong1: Bababa ka na?
Vice: Ay hindi manong, sasakay ako. Sasakay ako ulit, dun naman ako sa bubong, mas presko kasi dun.

(2nd attempt)
Vice: Para ho.
Manong1: Dyan ba sa tabi?
Vice: Ay hindi manong. Dun ako sa gitna, sa gitna para masagasaan ako.

(Binaba siya sa gitna)
Vice mabundol ng isa pang jeep…
Manong2: Nasaktan ka ba?
Vice: (naasar) Ay hindi, nag-enjoy ako. Ulitin natin, bunguin mo pa. Isa pa! Dali! Ang sarap kasi! Nakabundol ka tapos itatanong mo kung masakit? Ikaw kaya bundulin ko? Tapos i-share mo skin feelings mo, kaya na-enjoy mo, sige magbungguan tayo. Laruin natin, ipauso natin, bunggu-bungguan.

ELMO

Wife: Ang liit ng bird mo hon!! May tattoo na ELMO, sakto lang mga letra...
Husband: Maliit ba?? Patigasin mo at basahin mo agad!!
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Wife: Oh S@#%!!! ELfilibusterisMO!!!

Magluluto Ako

Vice: (Umupo)

Waiter: Good afternun po! Kakain po kayo?

Vice: Hindi, magluluto, tutulungan ko chef nyo.. Kakahiya naman nakiupo ako dito tapos hindi pa ko tutulong.. Bilis na.. Gusto mo tulungan pa kita sa mga customers nyo.. Tapos aasenso business nyo.. Edi masaya, di ba?Umunlad na kayo, nagutom pa ko.. Ang galing noh?

Chocolates and Roses

Girl: Ui! Ang sweet ah? Para kanino 'yong chocolates and roses mo?

Boy: Para sa liligawan ko.

Girl: Hala! Go, ibigay mo na.

Boy: Kaso nahihiya ako tsaka hindi ako marunong manligaw.

Girl: Madali lang 'yan. Pagka-abot mo sa girl kikiligin 'yon promise.

Boy: Talaga?

Girl: Oo. Promise! ;)

Boy: Oh eto nga pala Chocolate and Roses for you. Pwede bang manligaw?

Kahit Wala Na

Alam mo kung bakit ka nasasaktan ?
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kasi tinatak mo sa isip mo na may pag-asa pa Kahit WALA NA.

May Nakalimutan Ako

Pedro: PARE! May nakalimutan ako...

Juan: Anu un?
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Pedro: Bobo kba? Nakalimutan ko nga eh.

Rules ng Pangongopya:

1. Iwasang makipagtalo sa mga matatalino.Tandaan mo,kumakapit ka lang sa kanila!

2. Huwag magdadalawang-isip sa kinopya. Time is gold

3. Seryoso ang mukha kapag nangongopya para kunwari, may alam ka!

4. Iwasang igalaw ang ulo kapag nangongopya. Baka mahalata ka!

5. Lakihan ang sulat. May nangongopya rin sa likod mo. Share your blessings!

Cockroach

What's worse than finding a cockroach in your burger while eating? Pag nakita mong KALAHATI na lang yung cockroach.

WALA NA

Hanggat may koneksyon ka pa sa taong minsan mo nang minahal, babalik at babalik pa rin ang nararamdaman mo. Kahit pa itanggi mog WALA NA.

they'll make someone happier.

Let go of things that you are not supposed to hold on to. they made you happy once, but maybe this time, they'll make someone happier.

At the age of 16

"At the age of 16, 80% of people have already met the person they are going to marry." - Reader's Digest

huwag mo ng pakawalan

Kapag nakatagpo ka ng taong mahal mo, alagaan mo. Kapag nakatagpo ka ng taong naniniwala sayo, huwag kang magsinungaling. Kapag nakatagpo ka ng taong tapat wag mong lolokohin. At kapag natagpuan mo ang taong hindi mo alam bat mo mahal, huwag mo ng pakawalan.

"PANGANGASO"

Kung mambababae ka lang din naman, eh 'wag na sa panget.
Kasi hindi pambababae ang tawag dun..

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"PANGANGASO"

tanungin mo muna ang sarili mo

“Kapag naghanap ng iba ang girlfriend mo, bago ka magalit, tanungin mo muna ang sarili mo kung ano ang mga naging pagkukulang mo.”
— Papa Jack

Kapag may history ka

Kapag may history ka na may nagawa kang mali. normal lang na attitude ng babae na palaging magduda. ~ Papa Jack

Relationship Killers :

Insecurity.

Trust Issues.

Facebook.

Twitter.

Jealousy.

Lack Of Communication.

Assumptions.

DOTA.

Try to say “I love you” ...

“Try to say “I love you” in the middle of the fight.”
— Papa Jack

Ang pag-ibig

"Ang pag-ibig wala yang blueprint, plano, kontrata, o resibo.”
— Papa Jack

DONT BE AFRAID

“KUNG MAHAL MO, DON'T BE AFRAID TO TELL THAT PERSON. KUNG HINDI MO NAMAN IKAMAMATAY ANG PAGSABI NG “I LOVE YOU” SA KANYA, SABIHIN MO.”-PAPA JACK

DUMAAN lang talaga

‎"Minsan talaga akala natin sila na, pero may mga taong DUMAAN lang talaga sa buhay natin para TURUAN tayong MAG-MAHAL, MASAKTAN, UMIYAK at mag MOVE-ON ."

- Papa Jack

yung GIRLFRIEND nya

isa lang naman ang ayaw ko sa crush ko eh..

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yung GIRLFRIEND nya.

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PAPUNTA NA AKO SA PUSO MO.

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bumili ka ng kausap mo

Girl: Ay ewan ko sayo! bumili ka ng kausap mo >.<
Boy: Penge akong pambili :D
Girl: Ano ako, NANAY mo? para sakin ka humingi ng pambili?

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Boy: Ay! Oo nga pala, ASAWA kita.

yung mahal niya.

GIRL1: may isa dyan, puyat nanaman kagabi.
GIRL2: haha! oo nga, katext ko kagabi.
GIRL1: sino? yung mahal mo?
GIRL2: oo :">
GIRL1: anong topic niyo?

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GIRL2: yung mahal niya.

Pangarap ko ang ibigin ka!

Boy: Alam mo ba yung kanta ni Regine Velasquez ?

Girl: Alin dun? Ang dami kayang kanta nun.

Boy: Kantahin ko yung alam ko lang..

♪ At sa habang panahon ikaw ay makasama, ikaw na lang ang siyang kulang sa buhay kong ito ♪

Girl: Pangarap ko ang ibigin ka!

Boy: Pangarap ko din eh.

Bakit po ganito kasakit magmahal

Girl: Bakit po ganito kasakit magmahal?

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God: Kasi anak, minahal mo ng sobra ang taong nilaan ko para sa iba.

ANG MGA BABAE:

ANG MGA BABAE:
masikreto, galing mag-deny, pabago bago isip, maarte, selosa, pakipot.

FAVORITE LINE NILA:
pare- pareho kayong mga lalaki!

PERO:
pag sila na pa-ibig mo.. gagawin ka nilang sentro ng buhay nila. LOYAL sila.
at GUGUHO ang mundo nila sa sandaling iwan mo sila.

malaking KALOKOHAN

ang LOVE ay parang lumilipad na turtle..

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isang malaking KALOKOHAN.

parang hit & run

Ang pag-ibig minsan parang hit & run..

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Kapag hindi na kayang panagutan, tatakbuhan ka na lang

Pag Ayaw Na

‎"Ang mga lalaki kasi kapag ayaw na, gagawa yan ng mga bagay na ayaw ng girl, ipaparamdam niya yun sayo ng unti-unti."

-Papa Jack

MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA

GIRL: hoy! alam mo bang MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA?
BOY: (nakaheadset) ha? anu yun? may sinasabi ka?
GIRL: *badtrip* wala! sabi ko lumindol kahapon! naramdaman mo ba?!! bat di ka pa nilamon ng lupa!?? *sabay alis*

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BOY: (buti na lng lowbatt ang ipod ko, narinig ko lahat)

Selos!

BOY: selos! selos! puro ka nalang selos! kelan ba magtatapos yang pagseselos mo?

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GIRL: kapag 'di na kita mahal!

Kamusta naman buhay mo?

Boy: Kamusta naman buhay mo?
Girl: Eto, okay lang. Ikaw, kamusta buhay mo?

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Boy: Eto, kausap ko ♥

I'll call you tomorrow

(11:55 pm) Boy: Baby, I'll call you tomorrow.. ok?

(11:55 pm) Girl: Okay.. :">

(12:01 am) *phone rings*

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(12:02 am) Boy: Hi Baby! It's tomorrow.. ♥ :">

Unfair?

Mas unfair daw ang GIRLS kesa BOYS. TRUE or FALSE?

1st scenario:

BOY: alam mo crush ko yun
GIRL: crush mo? eh di magsama kayo!

2nd scenario:

GIRL: alam mo crush ko yun (kinikilig)
BOY: (galit) crush mo?!
GIRL: bakit ka galit? crush lang naman ah.

Mahal At Gusto

Alam mo ba ang pinagkaiba ng taong MAHAL mo at ng taong GUSTO mo?

Pag tumingin ka sa mata ng taong gusto mo, namumula ka.
Pero pag sa mata ng mahal mo, napapangiti ka.

Sa harap ng taong gusto mo, nahihiya ka.
Pero sa taong mahal mo, nagpapakatotoo ka.

Di ka makatingin ng diretso sa taong gusto mo
Pero sa mahal mo, nakikipagtitigan ka pa.

Pag umiiyak ang mahal mo, napapaiyak ka din.
Pero sa taong gusto mo, pinapatahan mo lang.

"EXPECTATIONS"

One word that best describes the cause of pain, hatred and hurt..

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"EXPECTATIONS"

We shouldn't have too much of it.

IKAW ang palaging "MAS"

MAHAL ka naman niya eh.
kaya lang sa inyong dalawa, IKAW ang palaging "MAS"

MAS nagmamahal
MAS nababaliw
MAS nadidisappoint
MAS nagpapahalaga
MAS sweet
MAS umiintindi

kaya IKAW din ang palaging MAS NASASAKTAN.

Reasons kung bakit ayaw manligaw ng lalaki:

1. TORPE kasi siya
2. FRIENDS at ayaw masira kung anong meron sila
3. tingin niya , WALA siyang PAG-ASA
4. may GUSTO din ang KAIBIGAN NIYA dun sa girl
5. MALAYO na sila sa isa't-isa
6. AYAW ma-REJECT
7. WALAng PERA

-- kung ano pa man ang reasons mo ito lang ang masasabi ko sayo:

"ANG TANGA MO! KUNG GUSTO MO, GIVE IT A TRY.
MALAY MO, IKAW LANG PALA INAANTAY NIYA."

Bad News Good News

BAD NEWS: Nagtext yung crush mo na may ka-relationship na siya.

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GOOD NEWS: Pag open mo ng fb account mo, may relationship request ka.

may pera ka na ba

Girl1: Mamatay na sana lahat ng malalandi sa mundo!
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Gril2: Bakit may pera ka na ba panlibing mo?

Dear BOYS,

Dear BOYS,

Kung hindi mo kami tatratuhin ng mabuti, huwag kang magalit kung may ibang gagawa nito para sa'min.

Love,
GIRLS

nauso yung panloloko

Simula ng nauso yung panloloko ng lalaki,

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ayun gumaya din mga babae..

TUNAY at may PEKE

Ang kaibigan parang PERA.
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May TUNAY at may PEKE. :)

Good News, Bad News

Good News: pwede mag-open notes sa exam!

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Bad News: wala kang notes.

malandi pa sa babae!

Aanhin ang gwapong lalaki,

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Kung mas malandi pa sa babae!

"I LOVE YOU"

MARAMING NATUTUWA SA SALITANG "I LOVE YOU"

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NGUNIT MAS MARAMI ANG NABIBIGO DAHIL DIN SA SALITANG "I LOVE YOU"

Mahal kita kahit pangit ka!

GIRL: Mahal kita kahit GWAPO ka!
BOY: Mahal kita kahit pangit ka!
GIRL: Aww, GWAPO naman sinabi ko ah?
BOY: Di pa ako tapos..

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Mahal kita kahit pangit ka para sa kanila basta para saken, ikaw ang PINAKAMAGANDA at PINAKAMABAIT. Aanhin ko pa yung ibang babae dyan, maganda nga sila! Pero HINDI NAMAN IKAW SILA! I love you mwaaah

hindi ka pala niya maha

Bakit ang hirap sabihin sa mahal mo na mahal mo siya?
Simple lang,

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dahil takot kang malaman na hindi ka naman pala niya mahal.

Wagasan

Yung relasyong parang magkaibigan lang kayo kung magbarahan. Pero kung maglambingan eh, WAGASAN. 

can still make you smile

You know it's TRUE LOVE when no matter how far the distance is, he can still make you smile. ♥

LAMBINGAN vs. LANDIAN

Ibang-iba ang LAMBINGAN..

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kumpara sa LANDIAN.

kuntento na siya SAYO

Dapat makuntento ka sa taong mahal mo,
kahit alam mong maraming HIHIGIT SA KANYA.

alam mo naman siguro na marami ang HIHIGIT SA TULAD MO,
pero kuntento na siya SAYO.

It's Difficult.

It's easy to play with love. Easy to hurt the feeling of others. Easy to let the person loves you cry, but it's difficult to find a person who really loves you.

Ex-husband

A woman walking on a graveyard when she saw a man kneeling by a grave shouting, "Why did you have to die?!" Feeling sorry for the man, she put her hand on his arm and asked? "Is that your wife you're grieving for?" To which the man replied, "No it's my wife's ex husband."

Jealous Brother

A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boyfriend and asks, "Everyday you come to meet my sister, don't you have your own sister?"

THRILL

Ang pag-ibig hindi inaantay, hindi hinahanap at mas lalong hindi kusang dumarating ito ay inaagaw para may THRILL.

Sent Items

Kung nagdududa ka na may ibang katext yung taong mahal mo, tandaan mo, wag ka magselos sa INBOX, dapat sa SENT ITEMS.

Para Kang Screw

Para kang screw. The more na umiikot ka sa isip ko, the more na bumabaon ka sa puso ko.

Don't Ever Forget

Don't ever forget your old friends when new one get added. Because "A new broom may sweep clean, but the old brush knows all the corners."

Attitude of SOME boys:

Nanliligaw palang: Pwede ba kitang ihatid?

Naging sila na: So, pwede na kitang ihatid everyday?

3-6months na sila na: Sige na nga, ihahatid na kita!

6months-1year: Hahatid pa ba kita?

1year up : TEXT MO NA LANG AKO PAG NAKA-UWI KA NA.

Marunong Mag-isip

Hindi lahat ng tahimik ay NASA LOOB ANG KULO.

Sila lang kasi yung tipo ng tao na
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MARUNONG MAG-ISIP, BAGO MUNA KUMIBO.

Ano Ba Pangarap Mo?

BOY: Patulong naman ako sa essay ko. Kailangan ko ng topic eh. Pangarap daw.

GIRL: Sure ! Saan ka ba interesado ?

BOY: Sayo ! ♥

GIRL: Nako ! Tigilan mo nga ko ha ?! K. Anu ba talaga gusto mo ?

BOY: Ikaw !

GIRL: Hindi mo talaga ko tatantanan ?? Dali na, Seryoso, anu ba pangarap mo ?

BOY: Ang makasama ka sa simbahan, sa harap ng pari ..
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at susuotan kita ng singsing.

ACRONYM NG MGA UNIVERSITY PAG UMULAN

UE = Uy Evacuate!
NU = Nako Umulan
UST = Uy Stranded Tayo
DLSU = Di Lang Sa Uste
ADMU = Ay Damn, Maski Us?
UP = Umapaw Potek
CSB = Chong San Banda?
SBC = Sa Bewang Chong
FEU = Fuck Etong Ulan!
LPU = Lubog Pati Us!
UBELT - Umuulan, Binabaha. Exasperating Langoy na Tayo
PLM = Please Lang Maawa!
PNU= Panu Na Umuulan
TUP = Tsk Underwater POTEK
ADU= Ampotek! Damay Us
PLM= Pano Lulusong Man?
MCL= Maski Cars Lubog

Too Painful

When a person cannot answer directly to your question probably the answer is too painful for you to know or too hard for them to admit.

Akin Ka Lang

"AKIN KA LANG!"
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is the most SELFISH LINE you'll ever hear, but the SWEETEST THING that everyone loves to hear.

Move On

‎"Kung ayaw na sa iyo ng lalaki, move on. Tigilan mo na iyang pagluluksa mo. Wala ka na rin namang mapapala riyan. Kung patuloy ka lang masasaktan dahil iniwan ka niya, that's just worthless. Hindi siya babalik sa iyo kahit magalit ka pa sa buong mundo kung hindi ka na talaga niya mahal. Kahit magluksa ka pa buong buhay mo."

Pag Nagselos

ang BABAE pag nagselos..

mag-iisip, hindi makatingin, tatahimik,
sabay iiyak.

ang LALAKI pag nagselos..

tatahimik, mag-iisip, titingnan ka ng masama,
sabay walk out.

SUre ka?

My grandfather once told me, "Did you know that the only word in the dictionary that starts with "SU" that pronounced /SH/ is SUGAR?" I just smiled and said, "SURE ka?" Ayun binato niya ako ng dictionary.

The end justifies the MEANS.

Feelings are NEVER permanent. Maybe TODAY you LOVE that person. Maybe TOMORROW, it's HATE. You can never know how much a PERSON means to YOU unless that person is GONE. Remember: The end justifies the MEANS.

Superman O Barbie

Dad: (holding two toys, letting his son choose) Si barbie o Superman?
Son: Superman Dad!
Dad: Good! (Then he left.)
Son: Gwapo mo tlaga Superman! Bakat na Bakat!

Bahay Kubo Nosebleen Version

Nipa Hut - even though it is small, the plants there are variety. Turnip and eggplant, winged bean and peanut, string bean, hyacinth bean, lima bean. Waxguard, loofah, white squash and pumpkin. And there are also radish, mustard, onion, tomato, garlic and ginger and all around are full of sesame seeds.

Talagang Para Saýo

Wala namang mawawala sa'yo sa paghihintay, kung ang ga oras na ginugol mo sa paghihintay ay para sa taong talagang para saýo.

Under The Rain

It's nice when someone holds an umbrella for you under the rain, but it's nicer when someone holds your hand and together you'll run under the rain.

Silent Mutual Agreement

Friendship is not a hi-hello relationship; Not just simply buddies that you're always with; More than pampering attitude; More than a shoulder to cry on; Friendship is a silent mutual agreement of trust and care that. Not distance. Not new acquaintances. Nor any misunderstandings can take away.

No Next Times

Mistakes make you realize what you have, what you've lost and what you've taken for granted. They make you realize that sometimes "there are no next times."

Sa Mukha Muna.

Di mo maaalis na bago mo mahalin ang tao ay sa mukha ka muna tumutingin, saka mo na lang siya mamahalin pag pati ugali niya, gusto mo na rin.

Sa Tingin Mo?

"Kung sa mundong ito, normal lang patayin ang mga taong ayaw mo. Sa tingin mo ba. buhay ka pa hanggang ngayon?" Bob Ong

Never...

Our fears should never be greater than our power to take risks, nor should our disappointment be greater than our power of acceptance. Anger should never overshadow the beauty of love, nor should pain and suffering stop us from moving on. Most importantly, life's mysteries should never stop us from believing in life's purpose and reason.

That is BLESSING

When you have a place to go at the end of the day - that is home; When you have people to love - that is family; When you have someone whom you can be yourself and accepts and cares for you in whatever circumstance - that is a friend. When you have all of them - that is BLESSING.

I Like The Way You Think

Teacher asks Johny: If there were 5 birds on a fence and you shot one, how many would be left?
Johny: None as others will fly away.
Teacher: The answer is four but I like the way you think.
Johny: I have a question maám. If three women are eating ice cream, one licking, one biting  and one sucking which is one is married?
Teacher nervously answered: Well, the one sucking the cone.
Johny: No, your wrong. The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think maám.

When It's Done, It's Done

One day, you have to wake up and realize nothing lasts forever. So when it's done, it's done.

Condom Ka Ba?

Boy: Miss condom ka ba?
Girl: Bakit naman? Coz you want to protect me?
Boy: Ay hindi! Mas masarap kasi sa pakirmdam kung wala ka.

Like Abstract

Girls are like an abstract painting. They are still beautiful, even if sometimes, you don't understand them.

Thank God There Are Women

Thank God there are women.

Facts of Life:
1. They can wear both skirts and shorts.
2. There's "Women's Day" but no "Men's Day".
3. They can be sure that the baby is theirs. Men can't always be sure.
4. They can cry and still look good. When men cry they look like dorks.
5. Most of all, women know the difference between a comfort room and a wall.

God Keeps me GOING

As I woke up today, I realized that I shouldn't regret any day of my life. Happiness keeps me SWEET.Trials makes me STRONG. Sorrows keep me HUMAN. Failures make me HUMBLE. Success keeps me GROWING and GOD keeps me GOING.

Apat na Beses

Sabi nila, apat na beses mo mararanasan ang pagmamahal sa buhay mo.
Una, pag natutunan mong mahalin ang sarili mo.
Pangalwa, may mahal kang iba pero hindi ka mahal.
Pangatlo, mahal ka pero hindi mo mahal, at
Pang-apat, mahal mo at mahal ka pero hindi tama ang panahon pero kayo ang para sa isa't isa.

If Only

If only people realize how much shorter time is, maybe they are going to maximize every fraction of a second to be happy whenever they can.

Learn To Pray

Learn to pray not just because you need something but because you've ought to thank Him about something.

Best Will

Believe that the best will of God happen everyday, be aware that even trials are gift to make us strong enough to face life and trying times.

Patay Na Ibon

A guy with his not so intelligent girlfriend were walking along the beach.

BF: Tingnan mo may patay na ibon oh.
GF: (tumingala) Saan?

More Than You Need

If you pray fro strength, God may give you challenges to make you strong. Ask for wisdom and He may give you problems to solve. Ask for wealth and He may give you opportunities to work. Ask for courage and He may give you battles to win. Ask for comfort and He may give you hurting people to love. You might not receive the exact things you pray fro - but you will receive more than you need.

Tamang Sagot!

Boy: Di ba matalino ka? Bat di mo ako kayang sagutin?
Girl: Kasi nga matalino ako at alam kong hindi ikaw ang tamang sagot!

JUST BELIEVE!

The hardships that you might be facing right now is just half of the amount of the happiness that you will experience in return. JUST BELIEVE!

Thousand Chances

If you come across something good, you should hold on and never let it go. Life offers you a thousand chances, all you have to do is take one.

Ang Kapal Ng Filling Mo

Boy: Miss, naka anesthesia ka ba? Bakit hindi mo maramdamang mahal kita?
Girl: May amnesia ka ba? Nakalimutan mo bang nibasted kita dahil ang dami mong siyota.
Boy: Ganito kasi ako magsyota, maramihan! Parang magic flakes. Apat dapat!
Girl: Uminom ka nga ng kape para tubuan ka ng nerbyos sa katawan! Para kang rebisco, ang kapal ng filling mo!

Mark of Maturiy

We are commanded to think the same way that Jesus Christ thought. Stop thinking immature thoughts, which are self-centered and self-seeking. Paul concluded that thinking of others is the mark of maturity.

All Things Beautiful

In all things, always remember to give thanks to God. You might not be where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be. If it hasn't happened yet, that doesn't mean it won't happen. Remember a delay is not a denial from God: in His own time, He will make all things beautiful.

Praying

Blessed is the person who understands that the reason for praying is not to have what we want but to accept what God has given us.

Praying

Blessed is the person who understands that the reason for praying is not to have what we want but to accept what God has given us.

Sana Problema Na Lang Ako

Boy: Sana problema na lang ako para lagi mo akong iniisip.
Girl: Oo nga eh. Para lahat gagawin ko, mawala ka lang!

Electricity

Juan: What is electricity?
Pedro: Electricity is a generation.
Juan: Wrong.
Pedro: Anya kuma garod laglag.
Juan: Nalaglaglag ka ah torpe nakasimsimple nga question dim maanseran tanga!
Pedro: Anya ngarod kuma? Hmp!
Juan: Electricity is a koryinti that connected tot eh posti that make the silaw sindi.

Most Important

Our relationship with God is the most important relationship you can have. Without that, nothing else can ever work.

One Big Man

There's a point in life when we just have to accept that not everything we wished will come true. A time when we have to be brave and let go and entrust everything to God, coz He won't allow us to be in situations of pain for the sake of hurting but for the sake of learning. One day, we will understand that He know us more than we know ourselves. That even when we feel alone, misunderstood, unloved and used, there's that ONE BIG MAN who knows all the flaws yet loves us unconditionally, like no other human can.

Wrong Sent

Hindi lang naman KARAM ang kinatatakutan ng mga two-timer, pati ang WRONG SENT.

Mirror

What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous?

I stare. I smile. And when I get tired, I put the mirror down.

Bra

Man: My wife needs a bra but I don't know the size.
Saleslady: Don't worry sir. Touch my boobs and try to estimate.
Man: Oh shit! I forgot she needs panty to.

God will never fail us

We are not supposed to always understand why certain things happen. We don't have to always know the reasons why God allows some things to take place. All that God asked from us is to trust Him completely and let Him be in control. God will never fail us. Not now. Now ever. -Lamentations 3:22

Flashlight

Pedro: Daming lamok!
Juan: Eh di patayin mo ang ilaw para di tyo makita.

(Pagpatay ng ilaw, lumitaw ang mga alitaptap.)

Pedro: Hala! Bumalik sila may dalang flashlight!

ALL OF THE ABOVE

Ang love life ng mga lalaki, parang exam may multiple choice. Apat ang pagpipilian pero isa lang ang pipiliin, ALL OF THE ABOVE.

8 Rules to a Happy Life

Never hate.
Don't worry.
Live simply.
Expect a little.
Give a lot.
Always smile.
Live with love.
Best of all, be with God.

Everyday is a Gift

Life insight: Everyday is a gift. A new beginning. Whatever glory or pain we had in the past, remember that yesterday ended last night.

Life a Scoop of Ice Cream

Wake up happy, laugh out loud, hum a tune, whisper a prayer and savor a memory. LIFE is like a scoop of ice cream, taste and enjoy it before it melts.

May Girlfriend Na Siya

Gírl: Kayo na?
Boy: Oo.
Gírl: Kelan pa?
Boy: Kanína lang.. íkaw, kayo na?
Gírl: Dí pa.
Boy: Bakít?
Gírl: May gírlfríend na síya..
Boy: Kaílan pa?
Gírl: Kanína lang.. :\

Si Malaki At Maliit

May dalawang magkaptid, si malaki at si maliit. Sumulat si malaki sa kanyang tatay.

Dear Tatay,
Ibili nyo po kame ng isang dosenang itlog at isang kilong baboy
ang inyong anak, Malaki

Inutusan ni malaki si maliit na ihatid ang sulat sa post office. Habang naglalakad napaaway si maliit at ang sulat ay nagkapunit-punit. Binuo ang sulat sa pamamagitan ng tape ng mabasa ng ama

Dear Baboy,
Ibili nyo po kami ng isang dosenang anak at isang kilong tatay.
Ang inyong itlog, Malaki

Di Kilala Ang Tao

Kung may mga taong sinasabing masama tungkol sau

Hinuhusgahan ka na parang kilala ka na ng tunay

Huwag ka papaapekto..

Isipin mo n lang
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"Kumakahol ang ASO pag di nila kilala ang TAO"

Lovelines

Lovelines through the years

1950s -- Iniirog kita.

1960s -- Iniibig kita.

1970s -- Minamahal kita.

1980s -- I love you.

1990s -- Tara sa kwarto.

2000s -- Pwede na rito.

Ang Tunay Na Lalake Tinotopak

Ang tunay na lalaki, tinotopak para magpalambing sayo.
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Hindi para mag-away kayo..

Parang Halaman

Ang Pag-ibig ay parang Halaman, binakuran mo na, pinipitas pa ng iba.

Unfortunate

This is a story of the most fortunate son, 3 dads were talking about their sons:

Dad1: My son is a banker. Recently, he gave his friend $30,000.
Dad2: My son is an Engineer. Recently, he gave his friend a house and lot.
Dad3: My son owns a jet company. Recently, he gave his friend a jet.

(D4 came out from the CR and the 3 dads asked him about his son.)

D4: My son is a gay and a strip teaser.
D1,D2,D3: Oh! Your son is unfortunate.
D4: Even if he's like that, I love him. In fact, during his birthday, he received $30,000, a house and lot, and a jet from his SUITORS.

Wag Niyo Ako Idamay

Heart: Mahal ko talaga siya.
Brain: Alam ko, sobra pa nga diba?
Heart: Alam mo pala, bat pilit mo pa siyang kinakalimutan?
Brain: Kasi ayaw na kitang masaktan.
Stomach: So sobra mong pagmamahal di na ako kumakain.
Eyes: Pati ako napupuyat na.
Liver: Korek, palagi ka pang umiinom. Naaapektuhan na kami ni kidney.
Lungs: Ako din nahihirapan nang huminga.
Heart: Pasensiya na guys ha. Eto talaga function ko eh, ang MAGMAHAL.
Pulso: Ah basta wag nyo lang ako idadamay, kundi lahat tayo patay!

Maaaring Ipagpabukas

"Ang mga bagay na maaaring gawin ngayon ay maaari ring ipagpabukas nang sa gayon hindi tayo mawawalan ng mga gawain sa mga susunod na araw." - JUAN TAMAD

Happiness and Judgement

When it comes to being happy, there is no right or wrong timing. It's just a battle between your happiness and their judgement.

Most Beautiful

A real man doesn't want the most beautiful girl in the world. He wants the girl who can make the world the most beautiful.

Parang Ikaw

Habang nagrereview, may batang nagtanong sa ate niya. Ano daw ang LOVE?

Nicole: Ang LOVE parang IKAW.
Bata: Talaga ate? Ang sweet mo naman.
Nicole: Sweet ka diyan! "Ang love parang ikaw! Istorbo sa PAG-AARAL!"

LOW QUALITY

Ang mga FLIRT parang China phone lang yan. Ang ganda tignan, LOW QUALITY naman.

Why Mathematicians Fall In Love..

Do you know why MATHEMATICIANS have to fall in LOVE?

For them to realize that:
-Not all missing part can be find.
-Not all inequalities can be equal.
-Not all x can be replace by anything.
-And to let them accept the fact that not all theorems are proven.

Bakla ka ba

PAG GIRLS,

GIRL 1: Ang ganda mo naman!!
GIRL 2: Thank you, pareho lang naman tayo :D

PAG BOYS,

BOY 1: Ang gwapo mo naman...
BOY 2: Bakla ka ba?? xD

FISH FILLET DEL EL NINO

Pasarapan ng ulam sina Pedro at Juan ..

Pedro : Juan anu ulam nyo ? ..

Juan : Blanched green leafy vegie with crushed sweet tomato in sparkling seafoods.

Pedro : Wow sarap naman nun! Ano yun ?

Juan : Talbos ng kamote at bagoong na may pinisang kamastis ..

Juan : Eh ikaw ano ulam mo Pedro ?

Pedro : cmple lang ! " FISH FILLET DEL EL NINO " ..

Juan: Ano yun ?? ..

Pedro : TUYO

Lagundi

Alin ung mas masarap pakuluan?

Yung dahon ng lagundi?

Oh yung.,,
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babaeng malande?

Dragonballs

GIYERA sa LIBYA

TSUNAMI sa JAPAN

LINDOL sa HAITI

SINKHOLE sa CHINA at unti-unting.

PAGLUBOG ng ANTARTICA

ilan lang yan sa dahilan nang pagkamatay nang libolibong tao dito sa mundo at kumalat na ang balita tungkol sa nalalapit na paggunaw ng mundo subalit mayroon pa tayong pagasa!

At yun ay walang iba kundi hanapin ang mga nawawalang

PITONG DRAGONBALLS para maligtas ang sanlibutan!

Inlove Si Juan

Pedro: Juan, bakit mo hinihintay na magulog yung bayabas imbes na kunin mo?
Juan Tamad: Alam mo kasi Pedro, hindi lahat ng kukunin mo ay talagang mapapasaýo. Minsan kailangan mo talagang maghintay para malaman mo kung talagang para saýo.

Malay....

Hindi dahil lagi ka niyang tinitingnan, type ka na niya. Malay mo, nalingon lang. Hindi dahil mabait siya saýo, gusto ka na niya. Malay mo, nature lang niya yun. Hindi rin dahil lagi mo siyang katext, mahalaga ka na sa kanya. Malay mo, hobby niya lang talaga yun. Minsan kasi bawat galwa ng isang tao binbigyan natin ng kahulugan. Tuloy kakaisip mo, hindi mo namamalayan, ikaw pala nahuhulog.

Nurse Na Po

Sa JEEP

Pasaherong nakaputi: Mama, bayad ko po!
Driver: Estudyante ba?
Pasaherong nakaputi: Nurse na po!
Driver: Yabang ah! Mataas pa kita ko saýo!

Few People Cares

Be careful whom you open up to. Only a few people actually cares. The rest are just curious.

Tubig na Lang

3 vampires having dinner.

Mayaman: Fresh blood please.
Middle Class: Dinuguan nga.
Mahirap: Tubig na lang. May napulot kasi akong napkin. Magtsatsaa na lang ako.

Heart Surgery

Girl: I'm having a heart surgery.
Boy: I know.
Girl: I love you!
Boy: I love you more!

After the surgery, the girl woke up with only his father on her side.

Girl: Where is he?
Father: You don't know who gave you the heart?
Girl: What?! (the girl starts crying)
Father: I'm just kidding. He went to the toilet.

Everybody Knows How To Love

Everybody knows how to LOVE. But only few people know how to STAY in love with ONE PERSON for a very LONG period of TIME.

Deepest Needs

Only God can satisfy our deepest needs of our hearts and make us truly alive. His love, cannot be explained. It can only be experienced.

LOVE for GOOD

Your heart shall tell you where to go. Your sharp mind shall tell you how to get there. And your deep LOVE for GOOD shall guide you on your way.

We Need To Be Open

We need to be open of what we feel. Denying is not the best way to escape cause the more you hide the more it kills you inside.

Before....

Before you talk, listen. Before you act, think. Before you criticize, wait. Before you quit, try. Before you pray, forgive. Before you get, give.

Gaano Ka Kahalaga?

Sa buhay, marerealize mo na may dahilan kung bakit mo nakilala ang isang tao. Yung iba, dumating para subukan ka. Yung iba, para gamitin ka. Yung iba para turuan ka. At yung iba, dumating para malaman kung sino ka talaga. Meron namang iba na dumating para saktan ka, at least natuto ka. Kalimutan mo na yung mga taong hindi ka tinutuing ng tama. Dun ka sa mga taong minamahal ka. At nakikita kung gaano ka kahalaga.

Maestro Ka Ba?

Dionisia: Maestro ka ba?
Tindero: Hindi po maám. Di ako nakapagtapos eh.
Dionisia: Okay lang yan. Pero maestro ka nga?
Tindero: Maám, hindi nga po ako.....

(DIONISIA nagalit na)

Dionisia: Humaygad! Ano ka ba? Hindi mo ako sinasagot! Ang tanong ko kung maestro ka? Pano ko maiinom tong coke, kung wala naman akong estro?!

I Wish I Could Go Back

One day, all of us will get busy with our lives. No more gala sessions, long hours of talks, or even SMS. Some will get married, wont'have time. At such a day, you'll look outside your window and see the good old memories flash you by and you'll get a smile with a tear in your eye thinking, "I wish I could go back..."

Sabaw

Sa jeep..

Boy: Kuya di pa po ba tayo aalis?
Driver: Hindi pa. Wala pang laman!
Boy: Bakit? Anong tingin mo sa'kin? SABAW?

Sorry

Minsan ang salitang sorry ay nakakabura lang ng galit at hindi nagtatama ng mali.

Taguan

Dalawang kinder naglalaro:

Girl: Laro tayo taguan.
Boy: Sige ba! Ako taya! Ano naman premyo ko pag nahanap kita?
Girl: Kiss.
Boy: Eh paano pag hindi?
Girl: Eeee! Kainis to! Basta andun lang ako sa likod ng drum.

Listening and Hearing

Hearing tells you that the music is playing. But listening tells you what the song is saying. Makes sense? Often times, we hear but we FORGET to LISTEN.

Share It With Him

Whatever you're feeling right now, how good or bad it is, GOD wants you to share it with HIM before you sleep. Pray.

Just For Today

Just for today, decide to be happy. To live with what's your. If you can't have what you want, maybe you can like what you have. Just for today, decide to be kind, to be cheerful. Be agreeable. Be understanding. Be your best. Dress your best. Look for the brighter side of things. Praise people instead of criticizing them. Just for today, try it. After all, it's just for a day. Who knows? You might like it and do it again everyday.

Real Lies

Never trust the DOUBTED ones and never doubt the TRUSTED ones. God has given us REAL EYES to REALIZE the REAL LIES.

Son-In-Law of Bill Gates

Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates'daughter.
Son: Then ok.

Dad goes to Bill Gates

Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.

Bill Gates: Then ok.

Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank..

Dad: Apoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President: No!
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President:Then ok!

What is a GENTLEMAN?

What is a GENTLEMAN?
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A gentleman is not the one who remove
the buttons of the dress of the woman,
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But the one who close it and says..
"YOU DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED" :">

Malandi Kasi

Na'wrong send si GF kay BF sa text ..

GF : Hi ! Nakita kita kahapon .. Pogi ah ! :>
Sino GF mo ngayun ? Wala kasi ako BF ee ..

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BF : Hello :) Matagal ko nang alam na pogi ako. Thank you sa compliment.
Ganun ba ? Wala akong GF eh. Magbbreak na kami mamaya. MALANDI kasi .

Bakit ganun?

Pag kulot ang hair, INUUNAT!
Pag Unat, KINUKULOT!
Pag Mataba, NAGPAPAPAYAT!
Pag Payat, NAGPAPATABA!
Pag Maraming Ginagawa, PAGOD!
Pag Walang Ginagawa, BORED!
Pag Nandyan, HINDI PINAPANSIN!
Pag Wala, HINAHANAP!
Pag Wala pa, HINIHINTAY!
Pag Malamig, GUSTO MAINIT!
Pag Mainit, GUSTO MALAMIG!

Kuntento Sa Isa

Hindi porket CHICKBOY ka, eh gwapo ka na.

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Mas gwapo pa din yung lalaking marunong makuntento sa isa. :>

Loyal VS. Faithful

A FAITHFUL person doesn't have time to get attracted with others, his/her attention is exclusively for the one they love.

A LOYAL person still gets attracted with others, appreciates beauty, flirts in some ways, but at the end of the day, a loyal person knows where his/her heart belongs to.

SO WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

You Can Listen To My Heart

Girl: I hate d fact that u r taller than me

Boy: Trust me there is an advantage in it

Girl: What?

Boy: When I hug you,

You can listen to my heart which beats only for you ♥ :)

Girl: :">

No Space

BF and GF nagchachat:

GF: I Love You ♥
BF: ILoveYouToo♥

GF: Something wrong with your space bar?
BF: No, there's just no space for me to LOVE anyone else..
GF: :">

Ang Tapang

Tongi: Ang tapang talaga ni Rojit! Biro mo, tumalon mula sa eroplanong kasalukuyang lumilipad nang walang parachute!

Polgoso: Oh? Totoo? Saan mo naman yan nabalitaan?

Tongi:  Dun sa burol niya!

Mmmmmmm

TRIVIA: You cannot say '''mmmmmmmmm' for 10 seconds while holding your nose.

Balooooot!

Mambabalot: Balooooot! Balooooot!

Juan: Balot, balot mainit ba yan?

Mambabalot: Opo boss.

Juan: May asin ka?

Mambabalot: Meron po boss.


Juan: Sige, pabili ako ng dalawang kilong asin.

Always Best

God'plan is always best. Sometimes the process is painful and hard but don't forget when God is silent. He's doing something best for you.

The Person You Need Most

Sometimes you have to stop loving the person you need the most. Not because the feeling is gone, but because he is constantly and unintentionally hurting you.

Miss Quietly

It's better to miss someone quietly rather than let him know and just get no response.

Keep Your Faith

Those who thank God even in trials turn the burden into blessings. So keep your faith close to your heart and God shall provide the comfort you need.

UNEXPECTEDLY

I hate it when things happen UNEXPECTEDLY. It's like the whole world conspire just to make me sad - without even knowing it.

We Learn

Things happen because we choose to. There may be regrets but blaming is not an option. We are where we are because we brought ourselves there. We get happy, get sad, but most importantly, we learn.

KALANDIAN

Guro: Juan, kung ako'y may 5 anak sa unang asawa at 7 naman sa pangalawa at 3 sa pangatlo, meron akong?

Juan: KALANDIAN po. Isa kang kerengkeng maám, malandi ka, haliparot, kaladkarin, makati, mahilig, pariwara, pokpok, imoral.

Guro: Umupo ka, adik ka! Di ka makakapasa.

Ordinary Person

One day you will be surprised to see yourself smiling at the thought of loving someone so much who used to be an ordinary person to you before.

Your Smile and My Smile

What is the difference between your smile and my smile? You smile when you are happy, and I smile when you are happy.

Doesn't Matter

Judge: What if you find out that your boyfriend has AIDS. What will you do?

Girl: I'll still love him. (Everybody claps.) Because I believe that AIDS doesn't matter.

You Call Them FRIENDS

A boy once asked his dad..."Dad, why are my friends like that? They always make fun of me; laugh when I make mistakes; like it when I get embarrassed. They call me stupid and say I'm a loser. Is there something wrong with me?"
His dad smiled and said, "What's wrong with you is you call them FRIENDS."

Love...

Love is one thing that you can't generalize.

He's Crazy About You

God is crazy about you. There are so many reasons God saves you: to bring glory to Himself, to appease His justice, to demonstrate His sovereignty. But one of the sweetest reasons God saved you is because He is fond of you. He likes having you around. He thinks you are the best thing to come down the pike in quite a while. If god had a refrigerator, your picture would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. When ever you want to talk, he'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and he chose your heart. Face it friend. He's crazy about you.

Meant To Be

"If two people are meant to be together, eventually, they'll find they're way back." - Chuck Bass

Do Or Die

There's really nothing so important about love, it's just a do or die situation.

Respect The Differences

Always remember that you can never find a perfect partner to love you the way you wanted. Only a person who's willing to love you more than what you are, someone who'll accept you for what you can and can't be. Enjoy the similarities, respect the differences, and that's even better than perfect.

After All, He's Your Son

A man bought a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner.

DAD: Son where were you today during school hours?

SON: At school. *Robot slaps Son* Ok, I went to the movies.

DAD: Which one?

SON: Toy Story *Robot slaps Son again* OK. It was day with a porn star.

DAD: What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was. *Robot slaps Dad*

MOM: Hahahaha! After all he's your son. *Robot slaps Mom*

Parang ATM

"Ang love parang ATM yan eh. Hindi pwedeng withdraw ka nang withdraw. Magdeposit ka naman." - I Do

Worst Feeling

The worst feeling is not being lonely. It's when someone makes you feel special then suddenly leaves you hanging and you have to pretend you don't mind at all.

Make Two Persons Happy

Try to make at least TWO PERSONS happy in a day, but make sure that one of them is YOURSELF.

Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is not about expecting the best to happen. It's about accepting that whatever will happen, is the best.