Cute LQ

Lover's quarrel..

Girl: Bwisit ka!
Boy: Bwisit ka rin!
Girl: Panget!
Boy: Ganda mo?
Girl: Oo talaga!
Boy: Eto salamin! Magsawa ka hanggang malaman mo ang katotohanan!
Girl: Eh kung di pala ako maganda, bakit mo ako niligawan?
Boy: Mahal kasi kita! Bakit mo naman ako sinagot?
Girl: Kasi mahal din kita! Bakit ba?
Boy: Ok fine. Whatever! Good night na! I love you!
Girl: Ok wapakels! I love you too!

Real Art of Conversation

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The Reason Behind It

The worst thing is to see a person sad, and the worst thing would be knowing that you're the reason behind it.

Humility Counts

In a street accident, a man tried to help the victim but suddenly a nurse came in and said, "Mister, excuse me! Please step back! I've had a course in first aid and I'm trained in giving CPR." The man stepped aside and watched the procedure and said, "If you need a doctor, I'm just at your back."

HUMILITY COUNTS...

Just Friends

Sometimes, people decide to be "JUST FRIENDS" even if their feeling is mutual. Not because love is hard to sustain but because COMMITMENT complicates everything.

Smile

Hindi ak ginising ng Diyos para sumimangot. So SMILE and see all the works God has done in your life.

INTERES

Ang taong madalas tumingin sa'yo at usisa ng usisa sa'yo ay parang utang mo sa bangko, may INTERES sa'yo.

Miss "U"

My teacher told me to repeat preschool. It's because every time I recite the alphabet, I always miss "U".

Hindi Siya Papayag Na Naghihintay Ka

Hindi mo na kailangang maghintay para maalala ka niya dahil kung talagang mahalaga ka, alam niya at hindi siya papayag na nag-aantay ka.

Pride

If you let pride drive your behavior, you will always increase the chance of losing what you are trying to keep.

Being Happy

There's nothing wrong about being happy, especially when you know it's about time you deserve to be.

Blessings

In a Science class, the teacher asked her students to give an example of things which are countless. One student answered, WATER. Another one answered SAND. The other one answered AIR. The teacher noticed that everybody was participating except for one. She called his attention and asked the same question. "What are the things which are countless?" The student stood up and answered BLESSINGS. Have you tried counting YOURS?

You can't laugh on the same joke again and again

A wise man sat in the audience and cracked a joke, everybody laughs like crazy. After a moment, he cracked the same joke again, less people laughed this time. He cracked the same joke again and again. When there is no laughter in the crowd, he smiled and said, "You can't laugh on the same joke again and again, then why do you keep crying on the same thing over and over again?"

Love and Friendship

One day, friendship and love met.
Love asked, "Why do you exist if I already exist?"
Friendship smiled and said, "To put smile on people's faces when you leave them with tears."
Love asked, "Well, if that's what you do, how come there are still people crying?"
Friendship answered, "It's my fault, because sometimes, instead of doing my job, I end up doing yours."

Gaguhan

BOB ONG: Bakit pa sila naghihiwalay kung magkakabalikan lang din sila? Para silang naggagaguhan!

VICE GANDA: Ang bobo mo talaga! Alangan namang magbalikan sila ng sila pa? Yung ang naggagaguhan!

Giniling

Sa Math class..

Teacher : Tanong, kung meron akong 1 pirasong karne at hinati ko ito, ilang piraso na?
Buknoy: 2 po ma'am!
Teacher: At kung hinati ko pa pareho?
Buknoy: 4 na piraso po!
Teacher: Hinati ko ulit!
Buknoy: 8 piraso po!
Teacher: Hinati ko pa.
Buknoy: 16 po ma'am.
Teacher: Hinati ko pa?
Buknoy: 32 piraso na po.
Teacher: Kung hinati ko pa ulit?
Buknoy: 64 po.
Teacher: At hinati ko pa? 2 beses ko pang hinati?
Buknoy: Tangina ma'am! Giniling mo na lang sana!

Looking For Another Day

Sometimes, the best part of being in love is not being together everyday, rather, being assured that even though you're miles away, still you're the reason why he looks for another day.

Sweldo

"Paano naman ako magiging masaya, eh sanadali palang kita nakasama, nawala ka na agad!" - SWELDO

Never Fall In Love

If you don't want to lose the closeness you have with a person, never fall in love with them.

Who's going to fix it?

When something goes wrong, it's more important to decide who's going to fix it than who's going to blame.

Summer Job

Manager: Ikaw na ba yung applicant?
Juan: Opo ma'am.
Manager: Eh ba't naka-trunks at naka-shades ka pa? Ano ba ina-applyan mo?
Juan: Summer job po!

Baby James and Yaya Talking

(Baby James nakikipag-usap sa yaya)

Baby James: Yaya, am I normal?
Yaya: Of course, iho! You're not like them. Why did you ask?
Baby James: I'm so confused. My grandpa is Ninoy. My uncle is Noynoy. My brother is abnoy. My dad is chickboy. My mom iba-iba boy.

keeping a secret and telling a lie

Do you know what really pains a person's heart? It's when his special someone begins to " keep a secret and tell a lie."

DOTA

Girl: Asan ka na?
Boy: Sa shop, nagdodota.
Girl: Diba may date tayo ngayon? Bakit ka nagdodota?
Boy: May kapustahan ako eh.
Girl: Mas mahal mo ba yan kaysa sa akin ha? Bwisit ka!
Boy: One on one kami ng papa mo. Kailangan kng ipanalo to para pumayag na siyang ikasal tayo.
Girl: (speechless)

Quarrels

Never let quarrels stay too long because every minute that passes by without fixing anything, might change everything.

Comedy

"Comedy is for funny people also." - Adam Sandler

Lola and the Call Boy

Lola with call boy...

"IHO, pag nagsex tayo, magkano ibabayad ko?"

"1 thousand po, la."

Pagkatapos magsex, inabot bayad.

"La! Bakit 800 to?"

"Senior citizen ako, may 20% discount!"

Si Jose Rizal na lang

Bata: (nagdadasal) Lord, si Jose Rizal na lang sana pumatay kay Magellan. Amen.

(Narinig ng tatay)

Ama: Bakit naman?

Bata: Yun po kasi sagot ko sa test eh.

Likes and Dislikes

Boy: So, what are your likes and dislikes?
Girl: Yung totoo, alam ang limitations, tahimik tsaka yung matalino. Ayaw ko ng mayabang, assuming, mapride tapos yung lapitin ng girls. Ikaw, anong gusto at ayaw mo?
Boy: Gusto kita, ayaw ko ng iba.

I Believe

I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. 

A Girl in a Bikini

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - there's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it. 

She

You may not be her first, her last, or her only.
She loved before she may love again.
But if she loves you now, what else matters?
She's not perfect, you aren't either,
and the two of you may never be perfect together
but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice,
and admit to being human and making mistakes,
hold onto her and give her the most you can.
She may not be thinking about you
every second of the day, but she will give you a part of
her that she knows you can break her heart.
So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze
and don't expect more than she can give.
Smile when she maked you happy,
let her know when she makes you mad,
and miss her when she's not there.
-Bob Marley.

Have you ever been in love?

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life..You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real-gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart-pain. I hate love.

Problem and Solution

The only difference between a problem and a solution is that people understand the solution.

Life Is Life, Fight For It.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is bliss, taste it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, compete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise, fulfill it.

Life is a sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is a tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is too precious, do not destroy it.

Life is life, fight for it.

Before Everything Else

Before you talk, listen.

Before you react, think.

Before you spend, earn.

Before you criticize, wait.

Before you pray, forgive.

Before you quit, try.

Failing By Default

It is impossible to live without failing, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail be default.

Pagkakaiba ng Girlfriend at Kabit

Girlfriend: Sinasama sa family gatherings

Kabit: Sinasama sa inuman

Girlfriend: Sinasama sa mall at maliliwanag na lugar

Kabit: Sinasama sa malayo at madidilim na lugar

Girlfriend: Honey/baby/love (depende sa terms of endearment) ang pangalan sa phone book

Kabit: Robert/ Mark/Bryan (basta lalaki) ang pangalan sa phone book

Girlfriend: San Mig Lights lang ang pinapainom

Kabit: Redhorse o GSM ang pinapainom

Girlfriend: Maaga palang, tinetext na para makasama

Kabit: Tinetext sa gabi kapag horny na

Girlfriend: Pang future

Kabit: Pang maintenance

HAHA!

Better To Have Nobody

It’s better to have nobody, than to have someone who is half there, or doesn’t want to be there.

Girls Do Not Dress For Boys

Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and ofcourse, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they’d just walk around naked at all times.

Happiness Is Like a Butterfly

Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

Love Is...

Love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.

Love Is Passion

Love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can’t live without. Someone you fall head over heels for. Find someone you can love like crazy, and will love you the same way back. Listen to your heart. No sense in life without this. To make the journey without falling deeply in love, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try, because if you haven’t tried, then you haven’t lived

No Relationship Is Perfect

No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater…The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that’s the key. It’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.

Don't Feel Sorry For Yourself

Don't feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. 

Wag Pilitin

Wag mo pilitin pasukin ang puso ng isang taong di ka mahal, dahil magmumukha kang katawa-tawa. Para kang nagtutulak ng isang pinto na may nakasulat na PULL.

Never Shout Mine

A golden rule in volleyball that applies to life: Never shout mine unless you are sure it's yours.

The Moment You Understand Love

The moment you'd find the courage to give up your happiness for someone would be the moment you understand love.

I'd Rather Be a Failure

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than be a success at something I hate.

I Wonder How

I wonder how boys feel when they're in love. Do they get butterflies? Do they have you on your mind 24/7? Do they wait for you to come online for hours? Do they smile at random times at the thought of you? Do they miss you all the time? Do they think about the smallest things you say?

When They Say I Love You

It's funny, how when someone say they love, you can't really feel it, but when they say they don't love you anymore, you can feel every ounce of what was drained out of your entire being.

Individuality

I think everybody's weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it.

Confidence Is The Key

Confidence is the key.Sometimes you need to look like you're confident even when you're not.

The Harder You Try To Forget

As quoted from a well respected psychotherapist, "The harder you try to forget something, the more you think about it unconsciously."

Closeness

Closeness doesn't need every minute of conversation. As long as you find time to smile remembering crazy moments together, it's the closest thing ever.

Closeness

Closeness doesn't need every minute of conversation. As long as you find time to smile remembering crazy moments together, it's the closest thing ever.

Defensive

Sabi sa isang research, karamihan ng mga babae ay defensive kapag natatamaan na ang ego nila about sa LOVE pero ang mga lalaki ay tatahimik lang at itatago ang nararamdaman para maipakita na sila ay matapang.

You Know What You Know

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

Troubles

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!

The More You Read

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.

Be Who You Are

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Nonsense

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.

Disappointments

Too much disappointments can weaken one's faith. Too many lies can diminish one's trust. Too much betrayal can cause a person t be afraid.; and sad truth is too much pain felt by a loving heart can cause it to freeze till it goes numb by the never ending pain until it doesn't feel any love anymore.

Wasn't Born To Insist Myself

I was not born to insist myself to someone who doesn't want me anymore. I give love, yes I do. In fact I easily fall for someone who makes me feel special. But when I sense that the person is starting to get rid of me? I won't waste time. I won't wait for her to neglect my presence. Love don't fade easily, but mark my word, "I can contradict my feelings just to make sure I won't look stupid."

Closure From Past

How can you fully open your heart to someone new, when in fact what you really need is closure from your past?

Insult

If you can't ignore an insult, laugh at it. If you can't laugh at it, you probably deserve it.

The Right Words

Sometimes, you just can't tell anybody how you feel, not because you don't know why, not because you don't know your purpose, not because you don't trust them. But because you can never really find the right words to make them understand.

Masalo ng Tamang Tao

Minsan mas tamang bumitiw kapag alam mo na hindi ka pinapahalagahan. Malay mo sa pagbitiw mo, mahulog ka sa tamang pwesto at masalo ng tamang tao.

Take Control

You will not be able to take control of your life until you can take control of yourself.

If You're His Priority

No matter how busy a guy's day is, he will do anything to get hold of you by any means. That is, if you're his priority.

Sleep a Hundred Years

It's better for a princess to sleep a hundred years and be kissed by the right prince than to stay awake and be kissed a hundred times by the wrong frog.

Never Topped

"I studied everything but never topped, but today the topnotchers of the best universities are my employees."

Parang Mataya-taya Lang

Ang pakikipagrelasyon ay hindi parang mataya-taya lang, na kapag pagod ka na, sasabihin mo lang "ayawan na! ayawan na!

True or False

Sana true or false na lang ang love.
Kapag true, edi masaya.
kapag false, write the correct answer.
Para kapag false ako,
Malaman ko kung sino talaga para sa akin.

Problems' Reasons

Most of the problems in life are because of two reasons:

First, we act without thinking;

Second, we keep on thinking without acting.

May Katumbas na Aral

Huwag mong pagsisihan ang mga pangyayari na nagdulot ng kasiyahan sayo. Maikli lang ang buhay para ubusin sa pagsisisi. Walang masama sa pagkakamali basta't sa bawat kamalian ay may katumbas na aral na dapat mong matutunan. -Marcelo Santos III

Ang Ballpen

Pag walang ballpen, walang notebook. Pag walang notebook, walang pag-aaral. Pag walang pag-aaral, walang diploma. Pag walang diploma, walang trabaho. Pag walang trabaho, walang pera. Pag walang pera, walang pagkain. Pag walang pagkain, papayat ka. Pag pumayat ka, papangit ka. Pag pumangit ka, wala kang siyota. Pag wala kang siyota, walang asawa. Pag walang asawa, walang anak. Pag walang anak, madedepress ka. Pag nadepress ka, magkakasakit ka. Pag nagkasakit ka, mamamatay ka. Pag namatay ka, wala ka na. Kaya ingatan mo ballpen mo ha?

Crush Lang

Kapag crush lang, tama nang pasulyap-sulyap lang muna. Makuntento ka sa mga ngiti niya. Kasi kapag hiningi mo na ang number niya, niligawan mo, at naging kayo, maghahangad ka ng mas higit pa. Dun mawawala ang satisfaction at iisipin mong sana tulad na lang ng dati, ngumiti lang siya, buo na araw mo. Kesa naman kayo nga, pero nakalimutan ka lang itext eh sira na araw mo.

Where's Mine?

Everytime I see a couple holding hands or just plainly sitting together, I look away.It's not that I hate seeing lovers, but because it reminds me of a question nobody can answer. "Where's mine?"

Imperfections

Learn to accept that you are not perfect, nobody is, the important thing is to be aware of where your imperfections lie.

Pure Insecurity

I never gave anyone a reason to hate me. They just created their own little drama of pure insecurity.

Most Perfect Creature

No matter how plain and simple you are, there's someone who will surely look at you as if you're the most perfect creature ever existed.

Ang Love Parang Twitter

Love is like twitter, people like and retweet your tweets, but it doesn’t mean they will love and follow your account.

FLASH REPORT

NEWS:
FLASH REPORT

Baklang ginahasa,tuwang tuwa!

Buntis sinaksak, bata nakaligtas.

Dalawang kalbo, nagsabunutan!

Isdang nalulunod, patay!

Basurero nag sampa ng kaso, binasura!

Bulag nakapatay, nag dilim ang paningin!

Unggoy, tawa ng tawa sa pag babasa ng POST hehe'!

Bakla ka ba?

Ama: Balita ko bakla ka?
Ancis: Di po ako bakla! Mga chismax lang yan galing sa mga chuvaness na wala magawa sa chenelyn nila! Mga chaka ever! Ako? Baklush? Hallow!!
Ama: Ganun ba? Akala ko totoo ang churvah! okei!

Ang Panliligaw ay Parang DOTA

Ang panliligaw ay parang DOTA lang.

1. Pag hindi ka sure sa GIRL.
- Pwede ka mag RE-PICK.

2. Pag wala kang pang DATE.
- FARM lang muna.

3. Pag wala kang KARIBAL.
- PUSH lang.

4. Pag lamang KARIBAL mo.
- Back muna, heal ka muna bago lumaban.

5. Pag MINAHAL ka niya.
- Mag-roshan ka. para di na mawala kahit ma-deads ka.

6. Pag ayaw talaga SAYO.
- Mag ALT+TAB ka nalang FACEBOOK mode!

Mahal na Reyna

DAD: Anak bading ka ba?
Ancis: Aba dad alam nyo ba na takot sa akin ang mga classmates ko? Respetado ako sa school.
DAD: Talaga anak?
Ancis: Oo dad! tawag nga nila sa akin
-
...-
-
-
-
-
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MAHAL NA REYNA!

Cellphone

Misis namatayan ng Asawa..

Misis: Dapat hindi ko na sinama ung cellphone ng pare mo sa loob ng kabaong nung nilibing sya.

Kumare: Huh? Bakit naman? Nanghihinayang ka ba!?
...
Misis: Hindi! nagtext kasi siya sakin eh. Sabi niya,
-- "D2 NA ME, SUNOD NA U"

Perfect Creature

No matter how plain and simple you are, there's someone who will surely look at you as if you're the most perfect creature ever existed.

Courtship

"Courtship is a season for two people to grow in friendship, to get to know each other's character and to see how they interact as couple. Love a man not his image nor his personality, but his character."
Boy Meets Girl

The Best Date

The best date is with someone who can take you anywhere without touching anything but your heart.

DOTA

A girl and a fairy we're talking:

GIRL: Fairy, make me the most attractive thing for all the boys out there.
FAIRY: Sige, humanda ka na. Gagawin kitang DOTA!

Cobra

Boy: Energy drink ka ba?
Girl: Bakit? Dahil ba kung nakikita mo ako, nawawala pagod mo?
Boy: Hindi! Mukha ka kasing cobra!

Ako Na Lang Pumalit

Empleyado: Boss, namatay pala ang manager natin. Pwede bang ako na lang pumalit sa pwesto niya?
Boss: Pwede naman. Ewan ko lang kung papayag ang punerarya.

Modern Philosophies

Modern Philosophies

1.  Love thy neighbor, but don't get caught.
2. The wise never marry. When they do, they become otherwise.
3. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
4. Your future depends on your dreams so go to sleep.
5. Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
6. Save water. Shower with a partner.
7. Drink beer. Conserve water.

Exempted

Boy1: Tol, gwapo ba ako?
Boy2: Pangit ang nanay mo, pangit ang tatay mo, tapos pangit din ang mga kapatid mo. Ano ka, EXEMPTED?

Popoy and Basha 2

Poy: Bash, hindi mo ba alam yung 3-month rule? Lahat na naiinlove at nakipagbreak alam yun. Dapat naghintay ka muna ng 3 buwan diba? 3 buwan bago ka makipagboyfriend ulit. Hindi mo alam yun? Bash may 2 linggo pa ako eh, dalawang linggo pa, bat ba kating kati kang palitan ako? Lahat na ginawa ko ha? Ano bang gusto mong gawin ko? Putang ina naman Bash, ganyan ka ba katigas? Mahal na mahal kita pero ang sakit sakit na.

Popoy and Basha 1

Poy: Akala ko ba walang magbabago? Basha, paano na tayo?
Basha: Wala ng "tayo" Popoy.
Poy: Ganon lang yon? Bash, 5 years. Itatapon mo lang lahat? Hindi mo na ako bibigyan ng isa pang pagkakataon para maayos ko to?
Basha: I already gave 5 years of my life, Poy. It's about time you give me what I want.
Poy: But you're asking for too much. Ang hinihiling mo mawala ka sa buhay ko. Basha naman, Bash kahit kahit mahirap ayusin natin to! If it's about me for being too controlling and boring, Bash alam mo namang sinusubukan ko diba? Alam natin pareho na madaling sumuko pero hindi ka ganun!
Basha: Kailangan ko to, kailangan mo rin.
Poy: Pero ikaw ang kailangan ko.

Children's Custody

Peter and Milyn were in divorce court due to children's custody. Milyn protested to the grudge that since she's brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. Peter refused, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, he replied, "Your honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

I Love You

"I LOVE YOU"

A warning.
An apology.
An interruption.
A plea for attention.
An objection.
An excuse.
A justification.
A reminder.
A trap.
A blessing.
A disguise.
A vacuum.
A revelation.
A way of saying nothing.
A way of summarizing everything.
A surrender.
An opening.
An end.

PRIDE

After a long time of separation...

Boy: Hi, how are you? (You still look so beautiful!)
Girl: I'm fine! (Died each day missing you..)
Boy: I bet somebody already won your heart. (Ang tanga ko, sinaktan kita.)
Girl: Yeah (Ikaw pa rin.)
Boy: Good to hear that. (Ang swerte niya.)
Girl: Hehe. (I've been forcing myself to move on para maging masaya ka.)
Boy: So, see you around. (Sana sa susunod nating pagkikita, tayo na.)
Girl: Sure, take care. (Paalam mahal ko, hanggang sa muli.)

And that's what we call, PRIDE.

I Let Go Of The Best

A girl talking to his ex:

Girl: Musta ka na?
Boy: Eto ayos lang, ikaw?
Girl: Ayos lang din. Nakapag move-on na.
Boy: Meron ka na bang bagong bf?
Girl: Wala pa, balita ko ikaw meron na.
Boy: (smiled)
Girl: Silence means yes.
Boy: Wala pa. Pa'no sabi mo sa'kin nung naghiwalay tayo maghanap ako ng better saýo?
Girl: O, anong problema dun?
Boy: Malaki kasi, "How can I find a better one, if I already let go of the best I could ever have?"

Masarap Ba Ang Sex

Anak: Tay, bakit po masarap ang sex?
Tatay: Kasi may kiliti o sensation katulad ng nararamdaman mo pag nangungulangot ka.
Anak: Bakit po mas nasasarapan ang babae kaysa lalake sa sex?
Tatay: Tulad ng pangungulangot, mas nasasarapan ang ilong mo kaysa sa daliri mo.
Anak: Bakit ayaw po na babae ang niri-rape sila?
Tatay: Kunwari, naglalakad ka tapos may lumapit saýo at biglang kinalikot ang ilong mo, magugustuhan mo ba?
Anak: Bakit ayaw ng babae makipagsex pag may regla?
Tatay: Pag dumudugo ilong mo, mangungulangot ka ba?
Anak: Bakit ayaw po ng mga lalake ang condom?
Tatay: Ikaw gusto mo mangulangot may gwantes sa daliri?
Anak: Bakit po sa pribadong lugar ginagawa ang sex?
Tatay: Lokong bata ka, mangungulangot ka ba sa harap ng mga kaklase mo?

Dalawang Baliw

I accidentally sat beside 2 baliws and heard them talking:

B1: San na mama mo?
B2: Wala ba siya sa bulsa mo?
B1: Flat kasi gulong.

They're having a non-sense talk so I planned to leave but there's one question I've heard that made me stay.

B2: Kelan nagiging martyr ang pag-ibig?
B1: Pag nagdidilig ka ng kahoy na panggatong.

Guess I've wasted another minute so talagang aalis na ako, but when I turned my back on them

B1: Yung umaasa ka pang mabubuhay, magkakadahon, mamumukadkad at magbubunga kahit wala ng pag-asa.

Tubig-dagat

Pag may nagtanong saýo ng,
"Bakit mo minamahal ang taong ayw saýo? Madami namang iba diyan."
Eto isagot mo,
"Kapag nauhaw ka ba, iinumin mo ang tubig-dagat dahil tubig din naman yun?"

He Stares Back

I don't mind if he catches me staring at him, at least I know that he stares back.

Wag Ka Nang Magpaalam

There was a boy who love his gf so much:

GF: Gaano mo ako kamahal?
BF: Minahal kita ng sobra. Nakalimutan ko na nga kung paano ang mabuhay nang wala ka.
GF: Eh paano kung mawala ako?
BF: Kung aalis ka huwag ka ng magpaalam.
GF: Bakit?
BF: Para isipin kong may aantayin pa ako kahit alam kong hindi ka na babalik pa. 

Fake and True

You can hardly determine what is fake and true. But sometimes, fake gives more happiness to you, while the truth gives nothing but it just hurts you.

You know you like someone when...

You know you like someone when...

1. You wonder where that person is.
2. You start to look for him.
3. You feel uneasy around him.
4. You start to watch his every move.
5. Your're jealous and you don't know why.

Trusting God

If wealth is the secret to happiness, then the RICH should be dancing on the streets. But only the poor kids do that. If power ensures peace of mind, then officials should walk unguarded. But those who live simply sleep soundly. If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships, then celebrities should have the best marriages. Only those who trust God completely have the most fulfilling lives.

Love and Death

Love and death are two uninvited guests. Nobody knows when they come, but both do the same work. One takes the heart, and the others takes its beat.

Crazy Efforts

It's not the effort that makes the girl smile. It's the willingness of the guy to do those crazy efforts just to make her smile.

Inseparable

Funny that one moment, both of you were inseparable, and now, both of you are just two people trying to forget each other.

Leksiyon sa Relasyon

Leksiyon sa relasiyon:

• Huwag ka magbabago para hindi rin siya magbago.
• Mahalin mo siya para mahalin ka rin niya ng todo at totoo.
• Kung niloloko mo siya, huwag kang magtaka kung ganun din ginagawa niya.
• Wala kang karapatang umangal dahil sinasaktan mo siya.
• Manlamig ka sa kanya, at manlalamig din siya saýo.
• Iwan mo siya? For sure, he won't gonna shed a tear for you. Coz he is already numb.
• Oo tao ka lang at tao lang din siya,. Kung marunong ka manakit, tiyak marunong din siya. Diba? Kaya ingat!
• Hawag manlalamang para hindi malamangan!

Words To Live By

Words to live by:

• Just say what you mean and mean what you say.
• Don't expect someone to read your mind and don't play games with heads or hearts.
• Don't tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out.
• Half truths are no better than lies.
• Don't be cold to someone you care about, indifference hurts more than angry words.
• They say action speaks louder than words but sometimes it's better to have both.

Time Heals Almost Everything

You might regret putting an end to something that once made you smile. You might even cry your eyes out whenever you miss the way it used to be but remember that time heals almost everything and the time will come when you'll no longer cry when you remember it, instead you'll smile and think how better off you are since then.

Missing a Person

Why do we miss a person? It's either cause we realize that we never treasured the moments when they were always there and it left us wishing we could turn back time again. Or we were too happy with them, we enjoyed every single moment that we became so used to the idea of having them around. But when we finally walked separate lives we realized that a moment spent without them i like dying stars which slowly leave the sky empty.

Be Humble

A child asked his mother, "Why do I need to be humble?"

His mother said, "When you choose the lowest path, there is no place to fall and the only way is up."

Broken Promise

It hurts to deal with a broken promise yet, we don't have the right to blame the person who made it. Coz sometimes, they really tried their best to keep it, but when destiny comes in the way no matter how hard they try, they have no other choice but to break it.

Reality of Pain

Maybe the reason why we don't admit how special something is, is because we don't want to deal with the reality of pain when we lose it.

A Little Bit Too Late

Never trust time to decide for you. Yes it's proven that time is the best decision maker but sometimes, time makes its decision a little bit too late.

Trusting People

"You can't always trust the people you want to."

-10 Things I Hate About You

A Joke

Love is a joke that doesn't have a punch line.

Nothing Special

"I am nothing special of this I am sure. I am just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, that has always been enough."

- Noah, The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

Impossible to Live Without

LOVE: We think about it. Sing about it. Dream about it and lose sleep worrying about it. When we don't know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don't know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear loosing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don't know which it will from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define and impossible to live without.

Wake Up

"The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up."
-Paul Valery

Mistake

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
-Albert Einstein

Safest Principle

"The safest principle through life, instead of reforming others, is to set about perfecting yourself."
- B.R. Haydon

Excellence

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit."
-Albert Einstein

Some Place Else

"If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up some place else." - Yogi Berra

Nasirang Pangarap

Boy: Ikaw yung babae na sumira sa PANGARAP ko.

Girl: Huh?! Ano bang pangarap mo?

Boy: Pangarap kong maging SINGLE habang-buhay..

-Marcelo Santos III

Do what you are afraid to do

"It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, Always do what you are afraid to do." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Warm Hug

Despite the numbness of the cold world, there will always be the one person who'll give you his/her warm hug. There will always be someone.

Relativity

"Put your hand over the stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with your loved one for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."

Love, Richness, Sadness, Happiness, Time

Once, there was an island where the feelings lived. It was announced that the island was going to sink in the ocean. All the feelings prepared to leave.

LOVE asked RICHNESS: Can I come with you, in your boat?
RICHNESS: Sorry, but many gold and silvers are hear.
LOVE: Sadness, I'll go with you?
SADNESS: I'm sorry I want to be alone.
LOVE: Happiness, I'll go with you.

But happiness didn't hear what love said.

TIME: Love, come I'll take you with me.

Love felt so blessed and overjoyed.

LOVE: Why did you help me time?
TIME: Because only time understands how great love is.

Human Brain

Human brain is invincible. It works 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It works even when we are sleeping, it never stops working, until you fall in love.

truth can't change your mind

Sometimes, someone can mean so much to you, that even the truth can't change your mind.

Less Magical

"Love isn't a decision, it's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler...but much less magical." - Mr. Twig from SOUTHPARK

Maybe Sometime

Maybe sometime you'll have to stop waiting for someone to come along  and fix what's wrong. Maybe you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that no one else has the answer. Maybe sometime you'll just have to be your own hero.

23 hours and 58 minutes

It's crazy the way you see someone for two minutes of the day yet they we're the best 2 minutes of your day and you find yourself thinking about that person the next 23 hours and 58 minutes.

being loved

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
-Lao Tzu

Reality Bites

We can pretend to be brave to conceal our fears; pretend to be smart to conceal our insecurities; pretend to be strong to conceal our weaknesses; pretend to be happy to conceal our longings. But no matter how much we pretend to conceal our negativity, we will always be pierced by reality. Maybe that's what life is all about. Reality bites but we can never bite it back.

Closed Door

You see how a puppy cries when you try to leave him in the backyard while shutting the door of your house? The helpless puppy will scratch and scratch the closed door while crying but could do nothing to open it. Same goes with unappreciated love, we keep on trying, and we keep on scratching; but still, the door remains closed.

Yung Baboy o Ako?

Nanay: Ang lakas mong kumain pero di ka mautusan. Ang kapal mo!
Anak: Kapag yung baboy natin ang malakas kumain, natutuwa ka. Sino ba talaga ang anak mo, ako o yung baboy?

Holdap Ito

Naranasan mo na bang makita siya nang di sinasadya?
Tinitigan ka niya sabay ngiti.
Tahimik mo siyang pinagmasdan. Bigla siyang lumapit saýo.
niyakap ka niya at dahn-dahang bumulong,


"HOLDAP ITO!"

Barkong lumilipad

Jun: Pare, ang laki talaga ng barkong sasakyan natin, ano?
Alex: Shhhh...'wag kang maingay...baka mahalatang promdi tayo. Maya-maya's lilipad na yan. Kumapit ka ha.

Ang aso

Garry: Ang daming magagandang aso rito. Bumili ka na para may kasama ka, araw-araw.
Mark: Eh, bakit pa ako bibili ng aso, kasama na nga kita, araw-araw.

Sa Beerhouse

Sa isang beerhouse...

GRO: Pogi, umorder ka na, nagugutom na ako!
Anthony: Waiter!
Waiter: Ano ang order ninyo, Sir?
Anthony: Palitan mo ang babaeng 'to, nagugutom daw siya!

Tipid si Inday

Danny: Pare, alam mo mula nang maging katulong namin si Inday, nakakatipid na kami sa tubig.
Miguel: paano nangyari un?
Danny: Kasi, sumasabay sa akin si Inday pag naliligo ako.

Noon at Ngayon

NOON: pag maganda ligawan mo agad.

NGAYON: pag maganda titigan mo muna,baka bakla,

NOON: konti lang ang lalaking gwapo.

NGAYON: konti na lang ang tunay na lalaki!

NOON: pag gwapo, BABAERO

NGAYON: pati panget babaero na din,minsan choosy pa! kakapal ng mukha!

NOON: hintaying bumilog ang buwan bago magpakasal!

NGAYON: hintaying bumiog ang tiyan bago pakasalan.

Plantsa at Gripo

Habang nasa mall ang mag-asawa..
Misis: Hon, nakalimutan ko palang bunutin ang plantsa sa saksakan.
Mister: Hindi naman siguro masusunog ang bahay natin.
Misis: Bakit naman?
Mister: Kasi, nalimutan kong isara ang gripo sa kusina. 

Nang dahil sa gatas

Jack: pare, kamusta ka na, ang tagal na nating hindi nagkita ah?
William: Oo nga. Naospital kasi ako sa kakainom ng gatas.
Jack: Bakit, nalason ka ba?
William: Hindi. naupuan kasi ako ng baka.

RIP

Anak: Inay, ano po ba ang ibig sabihin ng RIP sa nitso?
Inay: Anak naman. yan lang hindi mo alam?
Anak: Ano nga po?
Inay: Return If Possible.

Kulang ang Sweldo

Sherwin: Pare, bakit kaya kulang ang sweldo ko?
PJ: Bakit noong nakaraang linggo, sobra ang sweldo mo, hindi ka nagreklamo?
Sherwin: Unang pagkakamali yun. Ngayon, pangalawa na.

Paload

Bata: Manang, mayroon kayong load?
Tindera: Mayroon.. Bakit?
Bata: Pa-text naman po.

Sugar Daddy

Kathy: Bakit nangangayayat si Pare? Mataas ba ang sugar level niya?
Ella: Hindi mataas ang blood sugar niya, Mare. Pero nangangayayat siya mula ng maging sugar daddy siya.

Pano pag nang two-time ako?

BF: Hon, ano ang gagawin mo kapag nalaman mo na mayroon akong ibang syota?
GF: Wala lang. Kukunin ko ang eyeballs mo then, tutusukin ko. Babalatan kita at lalagyan ng asin ang laman-laman mo. Then itatali kita at paliliguan ng kumukulong tubig. bakit mo nga pala naitanong hon?
BF: (napalunok) Wala hon. Curious lang. I love you!

Past, Present, Future

Titser: Pedro, ano ang past tense ng TAKBO?
Pedro: Maám, tumakbo po.
Titser: Good. Ikaw, Arnel, ano naman ang present tense ng TAKBO?
Arnel: Tumaktakbo po.
Titser: Good. O, ikaw naman Cesar...ano naman ang future tense?
Cesar: Maám, mang-i-snatch.
Titser: Anong mang-i-snatch?
Cesar: Mang-i-snatch po muna saka tatakbo.

Bagay na may number

Sa classroom...
Titser: Magsabi kayo ng mga bagay na may number. Ikaw, Mike!
Mike: Cellphone, calculator, remote control, keyboard, lotto, jueteng.
Titser: Ano pa, Christian?
Christian: Maám ang tatay ko po, may number 2.

Doctor ng mata

Elmo: Dok, anong gagawin para bumuti ang pakiramdam ko?
Dok: Magdiyeta ka para mabawasan ang taba mo. Tumigil ka sa pannigarilyo at pag-inom ng alak. Tapos, pumunta ka sa doctor sa mata.
Elmo: Doktor sa mata, bakit ho?
Dok: Para mabasa mo ang karatula sa pinto. Beterinaryo ako, tanga. Yung doktor na kailangan mo, nasa 2nd floor.

Gustong mag-shift ng course

Tumawag si Kenneth kay Miles...

Kenneth: Pare, magsi-shift na lang ako sa Fine Arts.
Miles: Naku, pare, bago mo isipin ang pagsishift ng course, tapusin mo muna ang elementary.

Salawikain ng High School Students

Aanhin mo pa ang 100 kung 75 na ang uso?
It's better to cheat than to repeat.
Aanhin mo pa ang libro kung scholar ang katabi mo?
Sa hinirap-hirap man ng grading, sa pagdadrop pa rin ang tuloy.
Ang hindi marunong lumingon tuwing exam, bagsak na malamang.

Sinungaling

Tommy: Pare, hiniwalayan ko na ang syota kong sinungaling. Sabi niya doon siya natulog sa ate niya kagabi.
Mike: Oh, anong problema run?
Tommy: Ako ang katabi ng ate niya kagabi.

Pogi

Dalaga: Excuse me, pogi..meron kang kamukha?
Binata: Sino?
Dalaga: (Ngumiti ito nang matamis) Ýung susunod kong bf.
Binata: Sorry...hindi pwede yan.
Dalaga: Bakit?
Binata: May bf na kasi ako. At para sa kaalaman mo, hindi ako tomboy!

Curios

Tinanong ng isang binata ang isang dalaga,
"May bf ka na ba?"
Kinilig ang dalaga na sumagot,
"Bakit mo naitanong?"
Sabi ng binata,
"Curious lang ako kung may papatol saýo."

Exercise daily

Exercise daily.
Keep your body healthy.
Like my Lola, she was 85
when she started
walking 5 miles a day...
Now she's 100,
and until now
Hindi pa umuuwi!

It hurts a lot

In life, Be careful not to break the following:
1. Trust
2. Promise
3. Relationship
4. Heart
cause when they break, they don't make noise,
but hurts a lot.

Sweet friends

Being in love with each other
doesn't always mean you have
to be lovers. Sometimes, you
just have to be "SWEET FRIENDS".

Attraction versus Love

Attraction is the spark that ignites when you first kiss.
Love is the look in your eyes when you finally pull away.

Matuto kang magpahalaga

Pahalagahan mo yung
taong nagmamahal saýo,
yung taong nangungulit
saýo, yung taong hindi
nalulungkot pag kausap
ka, yung taong nagtitiis
kahit pinaparamdam
mong binabasura mo na
siya.
Dahil pag yan nagsawa at napagod na,
hinding-hindi na
mauulit lahat ng yun at
dun mo marerealize na
malungkot pala kung wala siya.

Why do you go to school?

One day in class, the teacher asked, "Students, why do you go to school?"
There was a silence until Juan Tamad ventured with the reply,
"Maám, we go to school because the school won't come to us!"

Capable of Serving

There is nothing in us that allows us to claim that we are capable of doing this work. The capacity we have comes from God; it is He who made us capable of serving.

The hardest riddle

Life is the hardest riddle in the world.

I'm rich

Boy: Hi.
Girl: What?
Boy: How are you?
Girl: Do I know you?
Boy: I'm rich...
Girl: Oh! I'm Cindy, 18 years old! Do you wanna go out? By the way I like your hair. =)
Boy: My name is Rich and yours?
Girl: I'm sorry I don't talk to boys.

Dapat Kalimutan

Mahirap pag nakalimutan ang dapat tandaan.
Pero mas mahirap pag lagi mong natatandaan ang DAPAT mong KALIMUTAN!

God and Man

You know the difference between God and man?
God gives, gives, gives, and forgives;
Man gets, gets, gets, and forgets.
--let us be reminded to thank God for everything.

Immaturity

I don't need someone who is so matured to stop my immaturity,
what I need is someone who can ride on my immaturity and maturely understands me.

Stupidity Exists

Never feel empty when the person you love turns you down, because not all people are smart enough to appreciate you. That's why stupidity exists.

Do you have a mirror?

Girl: Hi :)
Boy: Hey.
Girl: I heard you like somebody...
Boy: Yeah, yeah.
Girl: Ooh, who is it?
Boy: I'm not telling.
Girl: Fine, do I know her?
Boy: Yeah.
Girl: Hmm, what's she look like?
Boy: Do you have a mirror?

3 personalities of a girl

Every girl has 3 personalities.
1) When she's with her family.
2) When she's with her friends.
3) When she's with HIM.