Pure Insecurity

I never gave anyone a reason to hate me. They just created their own little drama of pure insecurity.

Most Perfect Creature

No matter how plain and simple you are, there's someone who will surely look at you as if you're the most perfect creature ever existed.

Ang Love Parang Twitter

Love is like twitter, people like and retweet your tweets, but it doesn’t mean they will love and follow your account.

FLASH REPORT

NEWS:
FLASH REPORT

Baklang ginahasa,tuwang tuwa!

Buntis sinaksak, bata nakaligtas.

Dalawang kalbo, nagsabunutan!

Isdang nalulunod, patay!

Basurero nag sampa ng kaso, binasura!

Bulag nakapatay, nag dilim ang paningin!

Unggoy, tawa ng tawa sa pag babasa ng POST hehe'!

Bakla ka ba?

Ama: Balita ko bakla ka?
Ancis: Di po ako bakla! Mga chismax lang yan galing sa mga chuvaness na wala magawa sa chenelyn nila! Mga chaka ever! Ako? Baklush? Hallow!!
Ama: Ganun ba? Akala ko totoo ang churvah! okei!

Ang Panliligaw ay Parang DOTA

Ang panliligaw ay parang DOTA lang.

1. Pag hindi ka sure sa GIRL.
- Pwede ka mag RE-PICK.

2. Pag wala kang pang DATE.
- FARM lang muna.

3. Pag wala kang KARIBAL.
- PUSH lang.

4. Pag lamang KARIBAL mo.
- Back muna, heal ka muna bago lumaban.

5. Pag MINAHAL ka niya.
- Mag-roshan ka. para di na mawala kahit ma-deads ka.

6. Pag ayaw talaga SAYO.
- Mag ALT+TAB ka nalang FACEBOOK mode!

Mahal na Reyna

DAD: Anak bading ka ba?
Ancis: Aba dad alam nyo ba na takot sa akin ang mga classmates ko? Respetado ako sa school.
DAD: Talaga anak?
Ancis: Oo dad! tawag nga nila sa akin
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MAHAL NA REYNA!

Cellphone

Misis namatayan ng Asawa..

Misis: Dapat hindi ko na sinama ung cellphone ng pare mo sa loob ng kabaong nung nilibing sya.

Kumare: Huh? Bakit naman? Nanghihinayang ka ba!?
...
Misis: Hindi! nagtext kasi siya sakin eh. Sabi niya,
-- "D2 NA ME, SUNOD NA U"

Perfect Creature

No matter how plain and simple you are, there's someone who will surely look at you as if you're the most perfect creature ever existed.

Courtship

"Courtship is a season for two people to grow in friendship, to get to know each other's character and to see how they interact as couple. Love a man not his image nor his personality, but his character."
Boy Meets Girl

The Best Date

The best date is with someone who can take you anywhere without touching anything but your heart.

DOTA

A girl and a fairy we're talking:

GIRL: Fairy, make me the most attractive thing for all the boys out there.
FAIRY: Sige, humanda ka na. Gagawin kitang DOTA!

Cobra

Boy: Energy drink ka ba?
Girl: Bakit? Dahil ba kung nakikita mo ako, nawawala pagod mo?
Boy: Hindi! Mukha ka kasing cobra!

Ako Na Lang Pumalit

Empleyado: Boss, namatay pala ang manager natin. Pwede bang ako na lang pumalit sa pwesto niya?
Boss: Pwede naman. Ewan ko lang kung papayag ang punerarya.

Modern Philosophies

Modern Philosophies

1.  Love thy neighbor, but don't get caught.
2. The wise never marry. When they do, they become otherwise.
3. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
4. Your future depends on your dreams so go to sleep.
5. Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
6. Save water. Shower with a partner.
7. Drink beer. Conserve water.

Exempted

Boy1: Tol, gwapo ba ako?
Boy2: Pangit ang nanay mo, pangit ang tatay mo, tapos pangit din ang mga kapatid mo. Ano ka, EXEMPTED?

Popoy and Basha 2

Poy: Bash, hindi mo ba alam yung 3-month rule? Lahat na naiinlove at nakipagbreak alam yun. Dapat naghintay ka muna ng 3 buwan diba? 3 buwan bago ka makipagboyfriend ulit. Hindi mo alam yun? Bash may 2 linggo pa ako eh, dalawang linggo pa, bat ba kating kati kang palitan ako? Lahat na ginawa ko ha? Ano bang gusto mong gawin ko? Putang ina naman Bash, ganyan ka ba katigas? Mahal na mahal kita pero ang sakit sakit na.

Popoy and Basha 1

Poy: Akala ko ba walang magbabago? Basha, paano na tayo?
Basha: Wala ng "tayo" Popoy.
Poy: Ganon lang yon? Bash, 5 years. Itatapon mo lang lahat? Hindi mo na ako bibigyan ng isa pang pagkakataon para maayos ko to?
Basha: I already gave 5 years of my life, Poy. It's about time you give me what I want.
Poy: But you're asking for too much. Ang hinihiling mo mawala ka sa buhay ko. Basha naman, Bash kahit kahit mahirap ayusin natin to! If it's about me for being too controlling and boring, Bash alam mo namang sinusubukan ko diba? Alam natin pareho na madaling sumuko pero hindi ka ganun!
Basha: Kailangan ko to, kailangan mo rin.
Poy: Pero ikaw ang kailangan ko.

Children's Custody

Peter and Milyn were in divorce court due to children's custody. Milyn protested to the grudge that since she's brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. Peter refused, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, he replied, "Your honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

I Love You

"I LOVE YOU"

A warning.
An apology.
An interruption.
A plea for attention.
An objection.
An excuse.
A justification.
A reminder.
A trap.
A blessing.
A disguise.
A vacuum.
A revelation.
A way of saying nothing.
A way of summarizing everything.
A surrender.
An opening.
An end.

PRIDE

After a long time of separation...

Boy: Hi, how are you? (You still look so beautiful!)
Girl: I'm fine! (Died each day missing you..)
Boy: I bet somebody already won your heart. (Ang tanga ko, sinaktan kita.)
Girl: Yeah (Ikaw pa rin.)
Boy: Good to hear that. (Ang swerte niya.)
Girl: Hehe. (I've been forcing myself to move on para maging masaya ka.)
Boy: So, see you around. (Sana sa susunod nating pagkikita, tayo na.)
Girl: Sure, take care. (Paalam mahal ko, hanggang sa muli.)

And that's what we call, PRIDE.

I Let Go Of The Best

A girl talking to his ex:

Girl: Musta ka na?
Boy: Eto ayos lang, ikaw?
Girl: Ayos lang din. Nakapag move-on na.
Boy: Meron ka na bang bagong bf?
Girl: Wala pa, balita ko ikaw meron na.
Boy: (smiled)
Girl: Silence means yes.
Boy: Wala pa. Pa'no sabi mo sa'kin nung naghiwalay tayo maghanap ako ng better saýo?
Girl: O, anong problema dun?
Boy: Malaki kasi, "How can I find a better one, if I already let go of the best I could ever have?"

Masarap Ba Ang Sex

Anak: Tay, bakit po masarap ang sex?
Tatay: Kasi may kiliti o sensation katulad ng nararamdaman mo pag nangungulangot ka.
Anak: Bakit po mas nasasarapan ang babae kaysa lalake sa sex?
Tatay: Tulad ng pangungulangot, mas nasasarapan ang ilong mo kaysa sa daliri mo.
Anak: Bakit ayaw po na babae ang niri-rape sila?
Tatay: Kunwari, naglalakad ka tapos may lumapit saýo at biglang kinalikot ang ilong mo, magugustuhan mo ba?
Anak: Bakit ayaw ng babae makipagsex pag may regla?
Tatay: Pag dumudugo ilong mo, mangungulangot ka ba?
Anak: Bakit ayaw po ng mga lalake ang condom?
Tatay: Ikaw gusto mo mangulangot may gwantes sa daliri?
Anak: Bakit po sa pribadong lugar ginagawa ang sex?
Tatay: Lokong bata ka, mangungulangot ka ba sa harap ng mga kaklase mo?

Dalawang Baliw

I accidentally sat beside 2 baliws and heard them talking:

B1: San na mama mo?
B2: Wala ba siya sa bulsa mo?
B1: Flat kasi gulong.

They're having a non-sense talk so I planned to leave but there's one question I've heard that made me stay.

B2: Kelan nagiging martyr ang pag-ibig?
B1: Pag nagdidilig ka ng kahoy na panggatong.

Guess I've wasted another minute so talagang aalis na ako, but when I turned my back on them

B1: Yung umaasa ka pang mabubuhay, magkakadahon, mamumukadkad at magbubunga kahit wala ng pag-asa.

Tubig-dagat

Pag may nagtanong saýo ng,
"Bakit mo minamahal ang taong ayw saýo? Madami namang iba diyan."
Eto isagot mo,
"Kapag nauhaw ka ba, iinumin mo ang tubig-dagat dahil tubig din naman yun?"

He Stares Back

I don't mind if he catches me staring at him, at least I know that he stares back.

Wag Ka Nang Magpaalam

There was a boy who love his gf so much:

GF: Gaano mo ako kamahal?
BF: Minahal kita ng sobra. Nakalimutan ko na nga kung paano ang mabuhay nang wala ka.
GF: Eh paano kung mawala ako?
BF: Kung aalis ka huwag ka ng magpaalam.
GF: Bakit?
BF: Para isipin kong may aantayin pa ako kahit alam kong hindi ka na babalik pa. 

Fake and True

You can hardly determine what is fake and true. But sometimes, fake gives more happiness to you, while the truth gives nothing but it just hurts you.

You know you like someone when...

You know you like someone when...

1. You wonder where that person is.
2. You start to look for him.
3. You feel uneasy around him.
4. You start to watch his every move.
5. Your're jealous and you don't know why.

Trusting God

If wealth is the secret to happiness, then the RICH should be dancing on the streets. But only the poor kids do that. If power ensures peace of mind, then officials should walk unguarded. But those who live simply sleep soundly. If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships, then celebrities should have the best marriages. Only those who trust God completely have the most fulfilling lives.

Love and Death

Love and death are two uninvited guests. Nobody knows when they come, but both do the same work. One takes the heart, and the others takes its beat.

Crazy Efforts

It's not the effort that makes the girl smile. It's the willingness of the guy to do those crazy efforts just to make her smile.

Inseparable

Funny that one moment, both of you were inseparable, and now, both of you are just two people trying to forget each other.

Leksiyon sa Relasyon

Leksiyon sa relasiyon:

• Huwag ka magbabago para hindi rin siya magbago.
• Mahalin mo siya para mahalin ka rin niya ng todo at totoo.
• Kung niloloko mo siya, huwag kang magtaka kung ganun din ginagawa niya.
• Wala kang karapatang umangal dahil sinasaktan mo siya.
• Manlamig ka sa kanya, at manlalamig din siya saýo.
• Iwan mo siya? For sure, he won't gonna shed a tear for you. Coz he is already numb.
• Oo tao ka lang at tao lang din siya,. Kung marunong ka manakit, tiyak marunong din siya. Diba? Kaya ingat!
• Hawag manlalamang para hindi malamangan!

Words To Live By

Words to live by:

• Just say what you mean and mean what you say.
• Don't expect someone to read your mind and don't play games with heads or hearts.
• Don't tell half truths and expect trust when the full truth comes out.
• Half truths are no better than lies.
• Don't be cold to someone you care about, indifference hurts more than angry words.
• They say action speaks louder than words but sometimes it's better to have both.

Time Heals Almost Everything

You might regret putting an end to something that once made you smile. You might even cry your eyes out whenever you miss the way it used to be but remember that time heals almost everything and the time will come when you'll no longer cry when you remember it, instead you'll smile and think how better off you are since then.

Missing a Person

Why do we miss a person? It's either cause we realize that we never treasured the moments when they were always there and it left us wishing we could turn back time again. Or we were too happy with them, we enjoyed every single moment that we became so used to the idea of having them around. But when we finally walked separate lives we realized that a moment spent without them i like dying stars which slowly leave the sky empty.

Be Humble

A child asked his mother, "Why do I need to be humble?"

His mother said, "When you choose the lowest path, there is no place to fall and the only way is up."

Broken Promise

It hurts to deal with a broken promise yet, we don't have the right to blame the person who made it. Coz sometimes, they really tried their best to keep it, but when destiny comes in the way no matter how hard they try, they have no other choice but to break it.

Reality of Pain

Maybe the reason why we don't admit how special something is, is because we don't want to deal with the reality of pain when we lose it.

A Little Bit Too Late

Never trust time to decide for you. Yes it's proven that time is the best decision maker but sometimes, time makes its decision a little bit too late.

Trusting People

"You can't always trust the people you want to."

-10 Things I Hate About You

A Joke

Love is a joke that doesn't have a punch line.

Nothing Special

"I am nothing special of this I am sure. I am just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, that has always been enough."

- Noah, The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

Impossible to Live Without

LOVE: We think about it. Sing about it. Dream about it and lose sleep worrying about it. When we don't know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don't know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear loosing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don't know which it will from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define and impossible to live without.

Wake Up

"The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up."
-Paul Valery

Mistake

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
-Albert Einstein

Safest Principle

"The safest principle through life, instead of reforming others, is to set about perfecting yourself."
- B.R. Haydon

Excellence

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit."
-Albert Einstein

Some Place Else

"If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up some place else." - Yogi Berra