First day sa office ni Juan pagka-abogado.
Secretary: Sir may bisita po kayo.
Kinuha agad ni Juan ang telepono. Pa-bilib. Kunwari may kausap siya. Naghintay lang yung bisita. Nakikinig kay Juan.
Juan: Anong maipaglilingkod ko sa iyo?
Bisita: Wala sir, kakabitan ko lang ng linya yung telepono niyo.
DISCLAIMER NOTICE: The quotes and jokes are not mine. They are sent via mobile from my friends. I got the others from pages in facebook.
9.25.2011
Mahal Kita Effort
Sabi nila hindi raw sapat ang pagsasabi lang ng MAHAL KITA. Dapat may kasamang effort. Kaya MAHAL KITA EFFORT.
An apple a day, keeps the doctor away
Two guys were competing for a girl's heart. A doctor and a police. The doctor brought chocolates and red roses everyday. While the police is very consistent in bringing red apples, the girl asked him why he keeps on bringing apples instead of flowers and chocolates. He just wrote a note and handed another apple. The girl smiled when she read the note which said: "An apple a day, keeps the doctor away."
God's Blessings
In life, the best ornament is humility; the richest wealth is wisdom; the strongest weapon is patience; the best security is faith; the best tonic is laughter. Those are God's blessings.
9.24.2011
I'm A Little Shy
Girl: I'm tired of searching for my
PRINCE CHARMING. I'm done.
Guy: Don't give up!
Girl: I'm not giving up, I'm just going to let him find ME.
Guy:
What if he already found you
a long time ago?
Girl: If he did, then why is it
taking him so long to speak up?
Guy: Sorry,
I'm a little shy ...
PRINCE CHARMING. I'm done.
Guy: Don't give up!
Girl: I'm not giving up, I'm just going to let him find ME.
Guy:
What if he already found you
a long time ago?
Girl: If he did, then why is it
taking him so long to speak up?
Guy: Sorry,
I'm a little shy ...
TANONG NA LAGING NARIRINIG SA SCHOOL
1.May assignment ka ? Pwede pakopya ?
2.Sino may polbo ?
3.May salamin ka ?
4.May extra ballpen ka ?
5.May One whole ka ?
6.Absent si teacher/ma'am ________ ? *devil smile*
7.Ilang minutes nalang ?
8.Anong Date ngayon?
2.Sino may polbo ?
3.May salamin ka ?
4.May extra ballpen ka ?
5.May One whole ka ?
6.Absent si teacher/ma'am ________ ? *devil smile*
7.Ilang minutes nalang ?
8.Anong Date ngayon?
Wikipedia, Google, Internet, Computer VS Electricity
WIKIPEDIA: Sa akin susulat ka lang ng word at hahanapan ko ng meaning.
GOOGLE: Ha! Yan lang ba? Sa akin sulat ka ng word at magpapalabas ako ng maraming sources.
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INTERNET: Tumahimik nga kayo kung wala ako wala kayung silbi!
COMPUTER: Ha ? Ako dapat mag sabi niyan !
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ELECTRICITY: Sige lang salita pa kayo makikinig lang ako.
GOOGLE: Ha! Yan lang ba? Sa akin sulat ka ng word at magpapalabas ako ng maraming sources.
...
INTERNET: Tumahimik nga kayo kung wala ako wala kayung silbi!
COMPUTER: Ha ? Ako dapat mag sabi niyan !
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ELECTRICITY: Sige lang salita pa kayo makikinig lang ako.
Nakipagbreak si Girl kay Boy
Girl: Boy, break na tayo.
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Boy: Bakit naging tayo ba?
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Boy: Bakit naging tayo ba?
IIWAN
ROOT WORD: IBIG
PAST TENSE: INIBIG
PRESENT TENSE: INIIBIG
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FUTURE TENSE: IIWAN
PAST TENSE: INIBIG
PRESENT TENSE: INIIBIG
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FUTURE TENSE: IIWAN
Crush Definitions
3 Definition of Crush:
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CRUSH = paghanga sa taong tanga na hindi marunong makahalata
CRUSH = minsan nawawala pero madalas lumalala
CRUSH = madaling titigan pero mahirap lapitan
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CRUSH = paghanga sa taong tanga na hindi marunong makahalata
CRUSH = minsan nawawala pero madalas lumalala
CRUSH = madaling titigan pero mahirap lapitan
Kaya Ka Nasasaktan
One time, may nakita akong sapatos, maganda siya kaso nang sinukat ko na ang sakit sa paa kasi ang sikip...
Ang sabi sa akin ng matandang nasa likod ko:
"Ipinipilit mo kasi ang sarili mo sa bagay na hindi nilikha para sa'yo kaya ka nasasaktan."
Ang sabi sa akin ng matandang nasa likod ko:
"Ipinipilit mo kasi ang sarili mo sa bagay na hindi nilikha para sa'yo kaya ka nasasaktan."
I'm Starting To Love You As My Wife
GF: Bakit mo ako tinawagan? Hating gabi na ah?
BF: Hon, May sasabihin ako sa'yo, Importante...
GF: Bakit sa ganitong oras? May umaga naman ah?
BF: Wala lang, Gusto lang kitang kausapin, sa ilalim ng maliwanag na buwan.
GF: Ang sweet mo ngayon ah? Anong sasabihin mo?
BF: I'm ending our relationship bilang mag BF-GF.
GF: Ha? Bakit? (Umiyak)
BF: Because I'm starting to love you as my WIFE. ♥
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Will you marry me
BF: Hon, May sasabihin ako sa'yo, Importante...
GF: Bakit sa ganitong oras? May umaga naman ah?
BF: Wala lang, Gusto lang kitang kausapin, sa ilalim ng maliwanag na buwan.
GF: Ang sweet mo ngayon ah? Anong sasabihin mo?
BF: I'm ending our relationship bilang mag BF-GF.
GF: Ha? Bakit? (Umiyak)
BF: Because I'm starting to love you as my WIFE. ♥
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Will you marry me
Feel At Home
AMERICAN ENGLISH: Eat All You Can, don't be shy, feel at home!!
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IN TAGALOG: kain lang kayo ng kain,walanghiya kayo, pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to!
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IN TAGALOG: kain lang kayo ng kain,walanghiya kayo, pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to!
A is for Apple
Latest from Nursery Schools:
A- Apple,
B- Bluetooth,
C- Chat,
D- Download,
E- Email,
F- Facebook,
G- Google,
H- HewlettPackard,
I- Iphone,
J- Java,
K- Kingston,
L- Laptop,
M- Messenger,
N- Nero,
O- Orkut,
P- Picasa,
Q- Quicktime,
R- RAM,
S- Server,
T- TouchScreen,
U- Usb,
V- Vista,
W- WiFi,
X- XP,
Y- YouTube,
Z- Zorpia.
--> Thank God... A is still Apple :)
A- Apple,
B- Bluetooth,
C- Chat,
D- Download,
E- Email,
F- Facebook,
G- Google,
H- HewlettPackard,
I- Iphone,
J- Java,
K- Kingston,
L- Laptop,
M- Messenger,
N- Nero,
O- Orkut,
P- Picasa,
Q- Quicktime,
R- RAM,
S- Server,
T- TouchScreen,
U- Usb,
V- Vista,
W- WiFi,
X- XP,
Y- YouTube,
Z- Zorpia.
--> Thank God... A is still Apple :)
Buhay Single
Ang masama sa pagiging single:
Tahimik ang cellphone.
Walang regular katext.
Walang stolen kisses.
Walang tight hugs.
Walang sweet moments.
Walang kilig moments.
Walang goodnight/goodmorning texts.
Walang magdamagang tawagan.
Walang I love you’s at I miss you’s.
Tahimik ang cellphone.
Walang regular katext.
Walang stolen kisses.
Walang tight hugs.
Walang sweet moments.
Walang kilig moments.
Walang goodnight/goodmorning texts.
Walang magdamagang tawagan.
Walang I love you’s at I miss you’s.
Bubble
(Sa CLASSROOM)
New Teacher: Students tell your names & hobbies?
Boys:
I'm Sam , My hobby is watching Bubble.
I'm John, My hobby is watching Bubble.
I'm Tom, My hobby is also watching Bubble.
Teacher: Oh, all boys have same hobbies , That's Good!
Now Girls, Please?
Girl:
Hi!! My name is Bubble!!
New Teacher: Students tell your names & hobbies?
Boys:
I'm Sam , My hobby is watching Bubble.
I'm John, My hobby is watching Bubble.
I'm Tom, My hobby is also watching Bubble.
Teacher: Oh, all boys have same hobbies , That's Good!
Now Girls, Please?
Girl:
Hi!! My name is Bubble!!
Tanga Marami
Sa love:
walang bulag
walang pipi at
walang bingi pero...
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TANGA marami. :)
walang bulag
walang pipi at
walang bingi pero...
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TANGA marami. :)
Dear Facebook
DEAR FACEBOOK,
GUSTO KITA NUNG SIMPLE KA, BAKIT NGAYON NAGSISIMULA KA NG UMARTE AT MAGING KOMPLIKADO. NATATAKOT AKO NA DUMATING ANG ARAW NA BAKA MAGAYA KA SA KAPATID MONG SI FRIENDSTER NA NGAYON AY LAOS NA AT PURO LARO NALANG ANG ALAM SA BUHAY AT SA PINSAN MONG SI MULTIPLY NA KUNG ANO-ANO NA ANG BINEBENTA. MABUTI PA ANG KAPATID MONG SI TWITTER KAHIT PURO DALDAL AT CHISMIS AY NANANATILING SIMPLE. AT ANG PINSAN MONG SI TUMBLR, NA BAGAMAT MAY SARILING MUNDO AY PINILING MAGING PAYAK AT TAHIMIK. WAG KA MASYADO MAGHANGAD NG PAGBABAGO AT BAKA ITO ANG IKASIRA MO. NAHIHIRAPAN NA AKONG INTINDIHIN ANG MGA GINAGAWA MO. MAGSILBI DIN SANANG BANTA SAYO ANG PAGDATING NG IYONG KARIBAL NA SI GOOGLE.
NAGMAMAHAL,
♥ADIK MONG USER♥
GUSTO KITA NUNG SIMPLE KA, BAKIT NGAYON NAGSISIMULA KA NG UMARTE AT MAGING KOMPLIKADO. NATATAKOT AKO NA DUMATING ANG ARAW NA BAKA MAGAYA KA SA KAPATID MONG SI FRIENDSTER NA NGAYON AY LAOS NA AT PURO LARO NALANG ANG ALAM SA BUHAY AT SA PINSAN MONG SI MULTIPLY NA KUNG ANO-ANO NA ANG BINEBENTA. MABUTI PA ANG KAPATID MONG SI TWITTER KAHIT PURO DALDAL AT CHISMIS AY NANANATILING SIMPLE. AT ANG PINSAN MONG SI TUMBLR, NA BAGAMAT MAY SARILING MUNDO AY PINILING MAGING PAYAK AT TAHIMIK. WAG KA MASYADO MAGHANGAD NG PAGBABAGO AT BAKA ITO ANG IKASIRA MO. NAHIHIRAPAN NA AKONG INTINDIHIN ANG MGA GINAGAWA MO. MAGSILBI DIN SANANG BANTA SAYO ANG PAGDATING NG IYONG KARIBAL NA SI GOOGLE.
NAGMAMAHAL,
♥ADIK MONG USER♥
Politiko
May lahi ka bang politiko?
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kc wala pang natutupad sa mga pinangako mo.
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kc wala pang natutupad sa mga pinangako mo.
Dear FB Users
DEAR FB USERS,
Puro kayo reklamo! imbis na magpakalat kayo ng sulat hinggil sa mga hinaing nyo na ibalik ako sa dati..bakit hindi nyo muna ako pagaralan!? Ako na nga itong Ginagamit nyo sa walang ka-kwentang bagay kayo pa may ganang magalit!? Ako ba nagagalit sa inyo kahit alam kong Ginagamit nyo lang ako!? Kung ayaw nyo na sa Akin, bumalik na lang kayo kay Friendster! i-Click nyo yung Deactivate! Punyeta!
Nagagalit,
Dear Wife, Dear Ex-Husband
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! ——
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem...
9.19.2011
Hindi Sa Porma...
Hindi sa porma o ayos ng pananamit nagiging gwapo ang isang lalaki. Kundi sa kung paano niya itrato ng maayos ang isang BABAE.
One Thing is Definite
In this world where everything seems uncertain, only one thing is definite. God loves you, beyond words, beyond time, and beyond distance.
Love After Death
Airplane Story:
A flight attendant began checking the cabin before takeoff. A woman asked her, "Please remind my husband to take his heart pills. He's in the business class seat #8." The attendant assured the woman she would. After takeoff, she approached the man in seat #8. "Sir remember to take your heart pills."
Man: How do you know I have a heart problem?
Attendant: Your wife told me to remind you.
The man cried.
Attendant: Something wrong sir?
Man: My wife is dead. Her body is in this plane, I'm taking her home.
A flight attendant began checking the cabin before takeoff. A woman asked her, "Please remind my husband to take his heart pills. He's in the business class seat #8." The attendant assured the woman she would. After takeoff, she approached the man in seat #8. "Sir remember to take your heart pills."
Man: How do you know I have a heart problem?
Attendant: Your wife told me to remind you.
The man cried.
Attendant: Something wrong sir?
Man: My wife is dead. Her body is in this plane, I'm taking her home.
Chowking Chinese Style Fried Chicken
Boy: Para kang chowking chinese style fried chicken.
Girl: Bakit? Crunch ng bayan?
Boy: Hindi! Milyon milyon na ang nakatikim.
Girl: Bakit? Crunch ng bayan?
Boy: Hindi! Milyon milyon na ang nakatikim.
Amoy Isda
Si GF nagpatattoo ng seashell sa hita.
Girl: Hon, tignan mo oh, may tattoo ako sa hita.
Boy: Oo nga no! Ang ganda ah.
Girl: Pakinggan mo baka marinig mo ang dagat.
Boy: Okay.
Gir: Narinig mo ba ang dagat?
Boy: Hindi eh. Pero naaamoy ko yung isda.
Girl: Hon, tignan mo oh, may tattoo ako sa hita.
Boy: Oo nga no! Ang ganda ah.
Girl: Pakinggan mo baka marinig mo ang dagat.
Boy: Okay.
Gir: Narinig mo ba ang dagat?
Boy: Hindi eh. Pero naaamoy ko yung isda.
Alphabetical Arrange
Amo: Inday, napunasan mo na ba yung keyboard ng PC ko?
Inday: Di ko lang pinunasan ate, inalphabetical arrange ko pa, di kasi sunud-sunod.
Inday: Di ko lang pinunasan ate, inalphabetical arrange ko pa, di kasi sunud-sunod.
The Same Meanings
Heartaches.
Loneliness.
Emptiness.
Different words but do have the same meanings. If you don't know how to deal with them, you'll end up dying.
Loneliness.
Emptiness.
Different words but do have the same meanings. If you don't know how to deal with them, you'll end up dying.
Kneel
When life gets too hard to stand,
KNEEL.
Don't forget to talk to GOD. He never fails to listen.
KNEEL.
Don't forget to talk to GOD. He never fails to listen.
It Hurts To Be Judged
In life I learned one particular thing that always reminds me of the fact that, the world is occupied by two persons only. People who act true to my face and people who remain true behind my back. And the lesson for this: It's easy to judge, but it hurts to be judged.
Bitterness
Bitterness is not totally negative thing. It's just a way of showing others that in life, there's such thing as "I STILL LOVE YOU BUT I DON'T WANT TO CARE ANYMORE." Being bitter is not bad, it's just a matter of being fine in the eyes of others despite the pain you're struggling .
More Difficult When You Regret
Never give up one thing if you think you can fight for it. Remember: It's difficult to wait but it's more difficult when you regret.
Attitude
ATTITUDE is like posting for pictures. We pose the way we want to be seen by others, but stolen shots are the best. They capture who we really are exactly.
Parang Sigarilyo
Ang love parang sigarilyo. Bakit pa kaya ito naimbento kung masama lang din naman ang epekto nito?!
Di Mo Malalabanan
"Kahit ayaw mo pang mahalin ang isang tao, 'di mo naman malalabanan ang nararamdaman mo. Katulad din yon ng di mo mapipilit na mahalin ang isang tao. Di lang siya ang lolokohin mo kundi pati sarili mo." - SophiaJade, Stallion Series
Move On
MOVE ON. Sabi nila madali lang gawin yun kung gugustuhin mo. Madali nga ba? Na kalimutan yung feelings mo sa taong minahal mo nang sobra. Na isipin na di na mauulit ang masasayang ala-ala. Na araw-araw gigising ka na malungkot dahil ang dating minahal mo ay may mahal ng iba. Na pilit mong tatanggapin na di kayo para sa isa't-isa. At umiyak na lang dahil alam mong masaya siya kahit wala ka. Madali nga ba? Madali lang sabihin na magmove-on. Pero once na ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon yung akala mong madaling gawin nakakamatay tanggapin.
Teach Me How To Dougie
She taught me how to CARE.
She taught me how to MISS.
She taught me how to LOVE.
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But she didn't teach me one thing and it hurts me so much. She didn't teach me How To Dougie.
She taught me how to MISS.
She taught me how to LOVE.
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But she didn't teach me one thing and it hurts me so much. She didn't teach me How To Dougie.
Caring Beyond Imagination
One day a crab was running on the seashore. The waves came and cleared the footprints of the crab.
Crab: Being my friend, why are you clearing my lovely footprints?
Waves: A fisherman was following your footprints to catch you. That's why I cleared it off.
FRIENDSHIP means caring beyond imagination.
Crab: Being my friend, why are you clearing my lovely footprints?
Waves: A fisherman was following your footprints to catch you. That's why I cleared it off.
FRIENDSHIP means caring beyond imagination.
Parang Pag-ibig
Ang pagsagot ng essay ay parang pag-ibig. Walang tama o maling sagot, ang importante ay kung paano siya ipaglaban.
Para Tayong Demonyo
BABANAT SI BOY:
BOY: Para tayong demonyo.
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GIRL: Gago! Ikaw lang!
BOY: Para tayong demonyo.
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GIRL: Gago! Ikaw lang!
Sa'yo Ang Yakap Ko
BF: Kung nasa gitna tayo ng makapal na yelo at kasama natin ang ex mo, kanino mo ibibigay ang jacket mo?
GF: Siyempre sa ex ko!
BF: (nalungkot)
GF: Siyempre ikaw ang mahal ko, sa kanya na ang jacket ko, sa'yo naman ang mainit na yakap ko.
GF: Siyempre sa ex ko!
BF: (nalungkot)
GF: Siyempre ikaw ang mahal ko, sa kanya na ang jacket ko, sa'yo naman ang mainit na yakap ko.
9.17.2011
Bombayin
Girl: Maganda ba ako?
Boy: Oo, kaya lang, bombayin ka..
Girl: Hindi naman ako mukhang bombay ah? Tisay yata ito!
Boy: Oo nga, pero yung amoy mo, bombayin ..
Boy: Oo, kaya lang, bombayin ka..
Girl: Hindi naman ako mukhang bombay ah? Tisay yata ito!
Boy: Oo nga, pero yung amoy mo, bombayin ..
PITONG KATOTOHANAN
1. Kapag nandiyan - DEDMA
2. Kapag wala - HINAHANAP
3. Kapag nakatingin - IIWAS
4. Kapag 'di nakatingin - TITINGNAN HANGGANG MATUNAW
5. Kapag lalapit - NAHIHIYA
6. Kapag aalis - NAGSISISI AT SASABIHING "BA'T SIYA UMALIS?"
7. At kapag binabasa mo 'to - NAKAKARELATE KA
2. Kapag wala - HINAHANAP
3. Kapag nakatingin - IIWAS
4. Kapag 'di nakatingin - TITINGNAN HANGGANG MATUNAW
5. Kapag lalapit - NAHIHIYA
6. Kapag aalis - NAGSISISI AT SASABIHING "BA'T SIYA UMALIS?"
7. At kapag binabasa mo 'to - NAKAKARELATE KA
Sa Relasyon
Sa relasyon, iparamdam at ipakita mo na mahal mo siya ,
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sa paraang hindi ka MAGHUHUBAD.
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sa paraang hindi ka MAGHUHUBAD.
KINDS OF TAE
1.GUNS SALUTE :taeng may tunog
2.BACK UP:Taeng lumabas na bumalik pa.
3.RUSH HOUR: Taeng di umabot sa c.r.
4.FOOTLONG: taeng sobrang haba.
5. RAMBO GUN :taeng maliliit pero sunod sunod labas.
6. UST: Utot Sabay Tae
7: SURPRISE ATTACK: bigla labas ng walang sign
8. FULL ATTACK: isang labasan, tapos
9. MacArthur:taeng na flush na, nabalik pa! I SHALL RETURN..
2.BACK UP:Taeng lumabas na bumalik pa.
3.RUSH HOUR: Taeng di umabot sa c.r.
4.FOOTLONG: taeng sobrang haba.
5. RAMBO GUN :taeng maliliit pero sunod sunod labas.
6. UST: Utot Sabay Tae
7: SURPRISE ATTACK: bigla labas ng walang sign
8. FULL ATTACK: isang labasan, tapos
9. MacArthur:taeng na flush na, nabalik pa! I SHALL RETURN..
Hindi Ka Aso
Dear Girls,
Kapag may sumipol sa inyo na lalaki, wag kayong lilingon ..
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BABAE ka, hindi ASO.
Kapag may sumipol sa inyo na lalaki, wag kayong lilingon ..
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BABAE ka, hindi ASO.
Wala Ring Kwenta
Kung siya ang PRINCE CHARMING mo ,
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pero hindi ikaw ang CINDERELLA nya, WALA RING KWENTA.
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pero hindi ikaw ang CINDERELLA nya, WALA RING KWENTA.
Hindi Ibig Sabihin
Hindi ibig sabihin na mabait siya sayo eh mahal ka na niya ..
- Malay mo ganun lang talaga siya sa mga kaibigan niya.
Hindi ibig sabihin na tineteks ka niya eh gusto ka niya ..
- Malay mo busy yung mahal niya kaya naghanap lang siya ng ibang kateks niya .
Mahirap magselos at masaktan,lalo na kung wala kang karapatan.. Magigising ka na lang isang araw mahaL mo na pala siya, pero siya mahal ka lang niya bilang KAIBIGAN niya.
- Malay mo ganun lang talaga siya sa mga kaibigan niya.
Hindi ibig sabihin na tineteks ka niya eh gusto ka niya ..
- Malay mo busy yung mahal niya kaya naghanap lang siya ng ibang kateks niya .
Mahirap magselos at masaktan,lalo na kung wala kang karapatan.. Magigising ka na lang isang araw mahaL mo na pala siya, pero siya mahal ka lang niya bilang KAIBIGAN niya.
9.09.2011
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids.
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
Bagoong
Teacher: Ok class,drawing kau,khit anong uri ng isda.
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Students: Yes mam!
After 20 minutes. . . . . .
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Teacher: Pedro,bakit ang gulo ng drawing mo?
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Pedro: Wag kang epal mam,bagoong yan. .
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Students: Yes mam!
After 20 minutes. . . . . .
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Teacher: Pedro,bakit ang gulo ng drawing mo?
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Pedro: Wag kang epal mam,bagoong yan. .
Baller Ka ba?
Boy pick up: Vice baller ka ba?
Vice: O baket?
Boy pick up: Kasi ang bigat nang bag ko.
Vice: Anong pake ko?
Boy pick up: Kasi nawawala ung sapatos ko
Vice: Sige hanapin mo.
Vice: O baket?
Boy pick up: Kasi ang bigat nang bag ko.
Vice: Anong pake ko?
Boy pick up: Kasi nawawala ung sapatos ko
Vice: Sige hanapin mo.
9.06.2011
Something for reflection:
1. If you can't see the bright side, polish the dull side.
2. Kind words make good echoes.
3. Life is short, pray long.
4. The best things in life aren't things.
5. No God, no peace. Know God, know peace.
6. Life is a measure to be filled, not a cup to be drained.
7. When you're green with envy, you're ripe for trouble.
8. The tongue weighs practically nothing, but few can hold it.
9. We stand tallest when we stoop to help others.
10. We receive or achieve only when we believe.
2. Kind words make good echoes.
3. Life is short, pray long.
4. The best things in life aren't things.
5. No God, no peace. Know God, know peace.
6. Life is a measure to be filled, not a cup to be drained.
7. When you're green with envy, you're ripe for trouble.
8. The tongue weighs practically nothing, but few can hold it.
9. We stand tallest when we stoop to help others.
10. We receive or achieve only when we believe.
Walang Pera
Boy: Kagatin ko nipples mo, bayaran kita 500. Payag ka?
Girl: Sige!
Boy: (Dinilaan, hinimas, sinipsip)
Girl: Ba't di mo kinagat?
Boy: Wala akong pera eh.
Girl: Sige!
Boy: (Dinilaan, hinimas, sinipsip)
Girl: Ba't di mo kinagat?
Boy: Wala akong pera eh.
Enjoy Life in Humility
God balances our lives by giving us enough blessings to make us happy and enough burdens to keep us humble. Let's enjoy life in all HUMILITY.
Failure and Pain
It's hard to assume your position in somebody's life. You might be expecting too much. Something far from reality. So learn to weigh the situation, know your stand and keep things in balance. Cause the hardest to deal with is, "FAILURE" and the hardest to endure is "PAIN".
Without Measure
In this world, someone stands behind; silently loving us; reaching out a hand when we've fallen; encouraging us when we're tested and in fear; understanding us when no one does; pointing us the light when we are in the dark. God deserves a pause. A hug. A thank you. Because we are wrapped in a beautiful truth that "We are loved without measure."
Beginning Of A Life
Learn to give up if you think you've already given your best. Goodbye is not really an end. It might also be the beginning of a life you deserve to have.
Laziness
Definition of LAZINESS:
It's a talent of taking rest before you get tired because prevention is better than cure.
It's a talent of taking rest before you get tired because prevention is better than cure.
1 Million
HOST: Ano ang gagawin ninyo kung pag-gising ninyo may katabi na kayong 1 million?
AMERICAN: Go on a world tour!
JAPANESE: Put up a hotel!
KOREAN: Build a house!
TAIWANESE: Make a business!
PINOY: Tulog ulit para maging 2 million.
AMERICAN: Go on a world tour!
JAPANESE: Put up a hotel!
KOREAN: Build a house!
TAIWANESE: Make a business!
PINOY: Tulog ulit para maging 2 million.
Magic of Friendship
I've always believed in the magic of friendship. We don't need to be together, to talk often or to see each other. What's important is we don't forget what we've started.
Evacuation Center
Mr: (kissing wife's shoulder) Hon, sige na.
Mrs: Ano ka ba? Bumabagyo na nga eh.
Mr: Ayaw mo ba nun, mas maganda kasi malamig?
Mrs: Ano ka ba? Nakakahiya dito sa EVACUATION CENTER.
Mrs: Ano ka ba? Bumabagyo na nga eh.
Mr: Ayaw mo ba nun, mas maganda kasi malamig?
Mrs: Ano ka ba? Nakakahiya dito sa EVACUATION CENTER.
Leftover
Girl1: Hi! I'm dating with your ex!
Girl2: Great! i'm eating sandwich.
Girl1: So?
Girl2: You want another leftover?
Girl2: Great! i'm eating sandwich.
Girl1: So?
Girl2: You want another leftover?
Pag Nagmahal Ka
Pag nagmahal ka, pumunta ka dun sa mabuti, hindi sa mabait lang. Piliin mo yung yayakapin ka kahit di ka naligo, yung hahalikan ka kahit bagong gising ka. Piliin mo yung magpapaluha saýo sa kakatawa hindi yung paiiyakin ka sabay tatawa. Piliin mo yung makakasama mo sa bawat araw ng buhay mo, hindi yung puro gabi lang. Mahalin mo yung hahawakan yung kamay mo sa harap ng buong mundo at higit sa lahat piliin mo yung kailangan ka dahil mahal ka niya, hindi yung mahal ka kasi may kailangan siya.
Two Things In My Hand
I want to explore the world with just two things in my hands. A camera in one hand, and his hand on the other.
Before You Say...
Some of the best things we should learn in life:
Before you say "I can't.", make sure you've tried.
Before you let doubts stop you, confront them with facts.
Before fear holds you back, go forward with faith.
Before you believe others are better, show them your best.
Before you dismiss your dreams, wait till they've come true.
Before you go looking for happiness, make your own wherever you are.
Never give up if you know in your heart it's all you ever wanted.
Before you say "I can't.", make sure you've tried.
Before you let doubts stop you, confront them with facts.
Before fear holds you back, go forward with faith.
Before you believe others are better, show them your best.
Before you dismiss your dreams, wait till they've come true.
Before you go looking for happiness, make your own wherever you are.
Never give up if you know in your heart it's all you ever wanted.
Keep The Chage
EKSENA SA JEEP:
Girl: Bayad.
Driver: Ilan tong 100?
Girl: 1 kuya, estudyante, nursing sa ateneo, kakasakay lang.
Boy: (Nayabangan. Nagbayad ng 500.) Manong bayad.
Driver: (Galit.) Ilan tong 500?
Boy: 1 lang, seaman, kakarating lang.
Sira Ulo: (Tumawa, inabot ang 1000?) 3, isama ang nurse at seaman, keep the change, galing mental kakalabas lang.
Girl: Bayad.
Driver: Ilan tong 100?
Girl: 1 kuya, estudyante, nursing sa ateneo, kakasakay lang.
Boy: (Nayabangan. Nagbayad ng 500.) Manong bayad.
Driver: (Galit.) Ilan tong 500?
Boy: 1 lang, seaman, kakarating lang.
Sira Ulo: (Tumawa, inabot ang 1000?) 3, isama ang nurse at seaman, keep the change, galing mental kakalabas lang.
NO ID, NO ENTRY
Bakit and sign na NO ID, NO ENTRY na nakikita natin sa mga school ay hindi tinatagalog?
Kasi, pag tinatagalog yan magiging Walang ID, Walang Pasok!
Kasi, pag tinatagalog yan magiging Walang ID, Walang Pasok!
Unplanned
Don't live life full of plans. Sometimes, the best moments happen on the unplanned. And the greatest regrets happen on not reaching what was planned.
Kind Heart
Being humble is much more important than being wise. Because God doesn't need a proud mouth that speaks much. But a kind heart that listens a lot.
U and I
Boy: Ui!
Girl: Ui na lang ba ang lagi mong itatawag sa'kin?
Boy: Oo naman! ang ganda kaya!
Girl: Bakit naman ui ang napagtripan mong itawag sa'kin ha?
Boy: Coz "U" and "I" sounds perfect when they are together.
Girl: Ui na lang ba ang lagi mong itatawag sa'kin?
Boy: Oo naman! ang ganda kaya!
Girl: Bakit naman ui ang napagtripan mong itawag sa'kin ha?
Boy: Coz "U" and "I" sounds perfect when they are together.
9.01.2011
TIPS TO BE GOOD LOOKING:
FOR LOVELY EYES: Always look at the good side of other people. (Phil.2:4)
FOR TENDER LIPS: Speak only kind words towards others. (Col.4:6)
FOR A CHARMING FACE: Always smile w/ a happy heart. (Prov.15:13)
FOR GRACEFUL ARMS: Reach out w/ compassion to those in need. (Rom.9:15)
FOR BEAUTIFUL FEET: Always walk with GOD! (Gen.6:9)
Let's be a GOOD LOOKING person all the time
Maganda Ka Ba?
BOY : Tigilan mu nga ako ang kulit mo nman ..
GiRL : Ang arte mo nman.
BOY : Nanununtok ako ng maganda .
GiRL : Oh sige suntok nga oh ??
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BOY : Bakit maganda kba ??
GiRL : Ang arte mo nman.
BOY : Nanununtok ako ng maganda .
GiRL : Oh sige suntok nga oh ??
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BOY : Bakit maganda kba ??
Happy Monthsary
BF: Chocolate oh!
Gf: Ano yan suhol sa kalokohan mo?
BF: Kung yun sa tingin mo.
Gf: Bullshit!
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iniwan ni boy si girl.
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Pag tingin sa chocolate may note:
"Yesterday, nakipagpustahan ako sa dota para pambili sa favorite mong chocolate. Sorry di ako nakapunta sa meeting place naten. HAPPY MONTHSARY. "
Gf: Ano yan suhol sa kalokohan mo?
BF: Kung yun sa tingin mo.
Gf: Bullshit!
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iniwan ni boy si girl.
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Pag tingin sa chocolate may note:
"Yesterday, nakipagpustahan ako sa dota para pambili sa favorite mong chocolate. Sorry di ako nakapunta sa meeting place naten. HAPPY MONTHSARY. "
Seriously!
Miley Cyrus : I'm A Barbie Girl :)
Selena Gomez : In The Barbie World ! (:
Taylor Swift : Like My Plastic :D
Demi Lovato : It's Fantastic !
Miley Cyrus : You Can Brush My Hair :)
JUSTIN BIEBER : UNDRESS ME ANYWHERE! :D
Miley Cyrus : :/
Selena Gomez : :/
Taylor Swift : :/
Demi Lovato : :/
JUSTIN BIEBER : No Seriously!
Selena Gomez : In The Barbie World ! (:
Taylor Swift : Like My Plastic :D
Demi Lovato : It's Fantastic !
Miley Cyrus : You Can Brush My Hair :)
JUSTIN BIEBER : UNDRESS ME ANYWHERE! :D
Miley Cyrus : :/
Selena Gomez : :/
Taylor Swift : :/
Demi Lovato : :/
JUSTIN BIEBER : No Seriously!
Lalake Ka
Pag nagalit gf mo, tapatan mo ng lambing.
Pagsinampal ka ng gf mo, tapatan mo ng halik.
Pagsinuntok ka ng gf mo, tapatan mo ng yakap.
Pagminura ka ng gf mo, tapatan mo ng i love you..
Tandaan mo:
“Lalake ka at hindi ka nag gf para saktan lang at paiyakin”
Ang tunay na lalake, maalaga, tapat, mahaba ang pasensya at mapagmahal.♥
Pagsinampal ka ng gf mo, tapatan mo ng halik.
Pagsinuntok ka ng gf mo, tapatan mo ng yakap.
Pagminura ka ng gf mo, tapatan mo ng i love you..
Tandaan mo:
“Lalake ka at hindi ka nag gf para saktan lang at paiyakin”
Ang tunay na lalake, maalaga, tapat, mahaba ang pasensya at mapagmahal.♥
Ako Na Bahala Sa Impyerno
Anak: Nay, yung girlfriend ko hindi naniniwala sa langit at impierno.
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Nanay: Sige, pakasalan mo anak, ipatikim mo sa kanya ang langit, ako na
ang bahala sa impierno.
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Nanay: Sige, pakasalan mo anak, ipatikim mo sa kanya ang langit, ako na
ang bahala sa impierno.
Like Queen
Broken hearted girls are like QUEEN in the game of chess, no matter how difficult the game is, the QUEEN always have the DEADLIEST MOVES, the sad part is she would even SACRIFICE herself just to let the KING live.
Wag Lang Lalaki
Sabihan ka na ng babae na "MALANDI" wag lang ng lalaki. Why?
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Kasi kapag lalaki ang nakapuna, totoo.
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Kasi kapag lalaki ang nakapuna, totoo.
CRUSH:
• Kinikilig ka kapag magkatabi kayo ni crush.
• Namumutla ka kapag nag-uusap kayo.
• May kaba at gusto mo siyang yakapin ng bonggang bongga.
• Pag nandiyan siya, papogi/paganda konti para mapansin ka.
• Pag absent o wala siya hindi kumpleto araw mo.
• Online siya pero natatakot ka na i-chat siya.
• Pag nagkabungguan kayo, kilig sagad sagaran to the bones ka.
Missed Calls
5 missed calls from a kabarkada = you missed a party
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5 missed call from your bestfriend = kailangan niya ng kausap
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5 missed call from your parents = umuwi ka na nag aalala na cla
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5 missed call from your gf =
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WORLD WAR III
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5 missed call from your bestfriend = kailangan niya ng kausap
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5 missed call from your parents = umuwi ka na nag aalala na cla
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5 missed call from your gf =
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WORLD WAR III
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