Dapat na Pinatatagal

Juan: Bebang, bat ang bilis kitang napasagot?

Bebang: Hindi naman dapat patagalin ang PANLILIGAW..

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ang RELASYON ang dapat na PINATATAGAL :)

Kahit Gaano Katagal

Nobita: Doraemon, meron ka ba diyang gamit yung mapapasagot ko agad si Shizuka?

Doraemon: Meron.

Nobita: Ah pahiram ako!

Doraemon: Ayoko nga!

Nobita: Ang damot mo! Bakit naman?!

Doraemon: Kung tunay kang nagmamahal, hihintayin mo sya kahit gaano pa katagal.

3 New Girlfriends

Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give
5 to Dora,
3 to Sonia and
2 to anne
then what will u get????

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Kid: 3 New Girlfriends Mam!!!

Sa daliri mo.

Girl: Ang sweet ng ibang lalaki pag nagpo-propose no?
Boy: Bakit nman?
Girl: Kasi yung iba niyayaya nila mag-date tapos nasa cake yung ring.
Boy: Ah.
Girl: Wew. Parang hindi ka naman kinilig. Ikaw, pag nag-propose ka. Saan mo ilalagay yung ring?
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Boy: Sa daliri mo.
Girl: :">

Tayo Agad?

BOY: Uhm, pwede ba manligaw?
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GIRL: Hindi!
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BOY: Pano yun? Tayo agad?

Parang Pelikula

Ang inuman parang pelikula dan yan..

ayaw mo maniwala?

eto pruweba...

pag may umiyak,
DRAMA yun!

pag may nagsuntukan,
ACTION yun!

pag may tawanan,
COMEDY yun!

pag may nawala bigla,
SUSPENSE yun!

pag may sumuka
HORROR yun!

pag may naghalikan
ROMANCE yun!

pag may nagkwarto?
alam nyo na,

SCANDAL yun...

Maging Kapwa

PEDRO: Gusto kong maging nurse para makatulong sa kapwa..

ERNING: Gusto kong maging doktor para manggamot sa kapwa..

NENE: Ako superhero para masagip ko ang nagigipit na kapwa..

KIKO: Ako mayor, tutulungan ko kapwa ko…

LINO: Ako presidente, maglilingkod aq sa kapwa ko..

Juan: Ako! Gusto kong maging kapwa.. :D

M-M-M-M-MONSTER KILL!­

BOY at GIRL nagkita sa PARK:

G:May gusto ka ba sa'kin?
B:Wala!
G:Ouch.(Napaiyak ang G)

1ST BLOOD!

B:O bat ka umiyak?
G:Wala ka kasing gusto sa'kin e.
B:Hindi mo naman kasi natanong kung mahal kita.
G:Mahal mo ba ako?
B:Hindi rin.

DOUBLE KILL!

G:Ang sakit mo naman magsalita :’(
B:May Girlfriend na kasi ako eh.

KILLING SPREE!

G:Sino b girlfriend mo?
B:Bestfriend mo.

M-M-M-M-MONSTER KILL!­ ­

JANE

A killer enters a room of a husband and wife:

Killer: Before I murder both of you, I wanna know the names of my victims

Wife: My name is Jane

Killer: My mother's name is Jane, So I won't kill you, how about you?

Husband: My name is Gary but my friends call me Jane.

You Should Learn

Ang LOVE
parang GRADES.

Pwedeng PASSED.
Pwedeng FAILED.

Minsan pa nga
INCOMPLETE eh.
wala eh ganun talaga.
pero sabi nga ni Ma’am/Sir.
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For you to PASS.
you should LEARN

Nam-nam-nam-nam

Anak: Nay! Nay! Masarap po ba ung dila?

Nanay:Huh? Eh bakit mo naman natanong yan anak???
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Anak: Eh kasi po sabi sa kanta,
"DILANG MASARAP MALINAM NAM NAM NAM NAM!!" :))))

Hindi Gantihan

Ang RELASYON ay hindi GANTIHAN.

Kapag nagkamali ka
Matuto kang humingi ng KAPATAWARAN.

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Hindi yung hahalungkatin mo lahat ng KASALANAN nya.

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Parang sinabi mo na rin na okay lang na nagkamali ka, dahil nagkamali
din naman siya.

Unselfish Hearts

Little things we give away surely comes back to us some other day because God never forget to give rewards to those who share their unselfish hearts.

Tag Price

Malalaman mo lang ang halaga ng isang bagay kapag
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kapag may tag price.

HANAPIN MO ANG PUMATAY SA AKIN

Isn't it nice to be in bed and someone's with you? To watch you, touch your hair down to your back and whisper, "HANAPIN MO ANG PUMATAY SA AKIN!"

More Valuable

If you try to see something positive in everything you do, life won't necessarily become easier, but it becomes more valuable.

Malay Mo

Walang dahilan na di ka pwedeng magmahal ulit. Kung nabigo ka sa una at nasaktan ka sa pangalawa, malay mo, sa pngatlo, mas masasaktan ka pa.

What's the Use?

What's the use of having a kingdom if you have to reign alone.

Crazy Ones

Being happy is not the most important thing. People don't write sonnets or novels about shared life goals. The great love are the crazy ones. - Blair Waldorf

Mommy

GF: Promise me you won't love any other girl after me.

BF: Di ko matutupad yan.

GF: So may kasunod pa pala sa'kin?

BF: Oo, kamukha mo pa tapos tatawagin ka niyang mommy.

Life is Sweetened

Life is sweetened but need to be stirred well.

Dear Student

Dear Student,

You get mad when I wake you up and you also get mad when I don't wake you.

Sincerely,

Alarm Clock

Unless Returned

"True love is not real, unless it is returned."
-Wet Activity

Trust God, Always

A man was walking on a shaking bridge. He prayed for help. He saw God on the other side of the bridge and asked God to come near, but didn't come. Man got angry. With great difficulty, he crossed to the other side and saw God HOLDING the broken bridge. Trust God, always!

You Feel Worse

Your friend fails, you feel bad. Your friend tops, you feel worse.

Fall Off a Bridge

Don't fall in love. Fall off a bridge, it hurts less.

People Change

People Change---
well, it's the most constant thing here in the world. So don't be surprised. JUST BE READY.

ASAP

Everyone wonders what ASAP means. Most people would answer that it's "AS SOON AS POSSIBLE". Yes that's right! But another meaning would be "ALWAYS SAY A PRAYER." God knows how stressful life is. HE wants to ease our pains and HE will respond to our needs. So, ASAP!

CRUSH

What is CRUSH? Ito ay ang paghanga sa isang TANGA na hindi marunong makahalata.

Extended

Everyday waking up is a new chance to be a better person, to do good and correct past mistakes. Kung nagising ka pa ngayong araw, parang it's God's way of saying: "Oh ayan anak ha, kahit na pasaway ka extended ka na naman ng 24 hours kaya umayos ka!" Your life is God's gift to you. How you live your life is your gift to God

Wireless!

Japanese archaeologist digging 100 meters down found copper wire says, "Very good! Our great ancestors of 1000 years already had telephone."

American dug 200 meters and found optical cable says, "My God! This means our great forefathers already had broadband 2000 years ago!"

Pinoy digs 500 meters and found nothing says, "Ang lupit ng mga ninuno natin! WIRELESS!"

A Truth To Be Accepted

When you find no solution to a problem, it's probably not a problem to be solved, rather a truth to be accepted.

Akala Ko Bago

A funny incident in a museum.

ATTENDANT: Oh my! Nabasag mo ang vase. It is about 100 years of age!

JUAN: Kinabahn naman ako! Hayup ka! Akala ko bago naman.

Mabsent Kan!

IFAN: Tatang, marik kayat bahu mestrak. Dakadakal susu na, doddog peba yo ubat na, abababba yo palda na, nafurfuraw uffu na, kanayun masingang ku panty na!

TATANG: Sonu mataruk mabsent kan ta yakan yo mattallung ha!

Sa Ibang Tao Naman

Kung nagawa kitang mahalin ng sobra noon, oh e di uulitin ko sa IBANG TAON NAMAN NGAYON.

Komplikado

Kung hindi na pwedeng maging kayo ng isang tao dahil komplikado na ang lahat sa inyo, dun ka na lang sa taong handang maging kumplikado ang buhay niya para saýo.

Common Sense

It's a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense.

MAKE-UP

Kung ang MAKE-UP ang nagpapaganda sa'yo, bakit hindi mo subukang kainin para naman gumanda ang UGALI mo.

Never Take Direction

Never take direction from a crowd for your personal life and never choose to quit just because somebody else disagrees with you. When you handle yourself, use your head. When you handle others use your heart. Just do what you love and success will come naturally.

LIFE

"LIFE" We only have but one. We didn't ask to be born, didn't choose it, seek it, and can't refuse it - so it'p up to us to use it. We suffer if we waste it and pay the price if we abuse it. Just one life is all we've got; time flies! I pray we make it worth it by giving not taking, serving not being served, loving not fighting and making an eternal difference in the life of others.

MAY HANGGANAN

Marahil ang dahilan ng bawat katapusan ay hindi ang katotohanan na may panibagong aasahan, kundi ang realidad na lahat ng bagay, matibay man o hindi, MAY HANGGANAN.

Binabalewala Ka...

Kung gaano man kahirap ang magmahal ng taong hindi mo naman sigurado kung mahal ka, ganun din kahirap aminin sa sarili mo na nasasaktan ka sa tuwing binabalewala ka niya.

When You're Prepare

God won't take away a thing that's really meant for you. But when He does, He'll soon return it to you. By the time you are prepared enough to rightly handle it.

HE NEVER FAILS

God always plans the "BEST" things for us. Sometimes we fell left out, but actually, God is saving something better than what we actually asked for. Never get tired of "PRAYING" and being kind to others. Hold on to this virtue tightly and let it always be the motivation of your good heart. Ask for anything in prayer, believe and you shall have them. Faith does not deny facts, it changes facts. Hold on to God's promises "HE NEVER FAILS."

Hong Pi Chik

A very touching story...
A guy visited his dying Chinese friend.
The Chinese said, "Hong pi chik" and died.
The guy went all the way to China to find the meaning of his friend's last word.
And he was shocked to know the meaning, "Huwag mong apakan ang oxygen!"

EskweLa o Barkada?

Sa EskweLa,Gigising ka ng Maaga.
Sa Barkada,Uuwi ka ng Maaga.
Sa EskweLa,May Flag Ceremony.
Sa Barkada,May Frat Ceremony.
Sa EskweLa,May Guro.
Sa Barkada, May Gulo.
Sa EskweLa, May Libro.
Sa Barkada, May SigariLyo.
Sa EskweLa, May Addition.
Sa Barkada, May Addiction.
Sa EskweLa, Pangarap mo Matutupad.
Sa Barkada, Pangarap mo Lilipad.

Ikaw? San ka? EskweLa? O, Barkada?

I'm Taken

A REAL MAN is not defined by how many girlfriends he had. It's by how many girls cried when he said, "No. I'm TAKEN and I LOVE her."

Di Ko Na Kaya

Boy: Di ko na kaya 'tong ginagawa mo sakin eh. Lagi na lang! Sa lahat na lang ng sasabihin mo, nahhirapan ako. I'm sorry babe,
I just can't take it anymore. Sobrang pagod na akong intindihin ka. :(

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Girl: ,,bvHeiiB aNoUh bV4h 3An6 pN46xx4b1h mOuH ?? di cKitAh mA1NtiNd1hAn !! aNoUh bV4Ng NuAg4w4h QoUh x3oH !!
bV4T k4h nKk1pAg bVr3Yk xK3n ?! pFuaG uXz4P4N nhU4T3N to !! JUJUJU !! T_T

Boy: JEJEMON ka! HAUP HAHAHHAHAHAH

Lima na!

Husband in abroad. Tumawag after 10 years.

HUSBAND: Hon, musta na ang tindahan?
WIFE: Department store na!
HUSBAND: Ang tubaan?
WIFE: KTV bar na!
HUSBAND: Ang tricycle?
WIFE: Taxi na!
HUSBAND: Ang dalawa kong anak?
WIFE: Lima na!

Delay of Success

Never worry about the delay of your success compared to others because the construction of a palace takes more time than an ordinary building.

Iba Na Ang NAKIKINABANG

Bawat bagay mahalaga. Hindi mo lang nakikita kasi hindi pa nawawala. Bawat tao importante. Hindi mo lang napapansin kasi anjan pa. Pero kapag nawala na yan, hahanapin mo na yan. Saka ka lang MANGHHINAYANG kapag iba na ang NAKIKINABANG.

GOD keeps me GOING

As I woke up today, I realized that I shouldn't regret any day of my life. Happiness keeps me SWEET. Trials makes me STRONG. Sorrows keeps me HUMAN. Failures makes me HUMBLE. Success keeps me GROWING and GOD keeps me GOING.

things to define your success in life

2 things to define your success in life:

1. The way you manage when you have nothing.

2. The way you behave when you have everything.

I'm Not Jealous

Boy: Baby are you jealous?
GF : No.
Boy: Baby are you jealous?
GF : No.
Boy: Baby are you jealous?
GF : I already told you, No!
Boy: Baby can I get a kiss?
GF : GO GET A KISS FROM THAT UGLY GIRL THAT LIKED YOUR STATUS ON FACEBOOK!

Iintindihin Ka

Piliin mo yung taong iintindhin ang ugali mo kasi mahalaga at mahal ka, hindi yung taong kapag dika nagbago ay iiwan ka.

The Best Part

The best part in falling in love is when you know from the start that it won't work but still, you went for it, and now you're completely HAPPY.

Rolex

B1: Ganda ng ROLEX mo!

B2: Napanalunan ko sa karera.

B1: Talaga? Saan?

B2: Sa plasa.

B1: Ilang kayong tumakbo?

B2: Tatlo - yung pulis, yung may ari at ako.

Aren't You Excited

The Lord hides EVERYTHING in NOTHING. He hides a tree in a seed. He hides a butterfly in a cocoon. He hides a King in a shepherd boy. He hides a Savior in a baby. Aren't you excited to see what He's hiding in you?

Judge You Own Actions

Each person should judge his own actions and not compare himself with others, then he can be proud for what he himself has done. (Galatians 6:4)

Good Taste

SMILING? Sign of good mood.
LAUGHTER? Sign of happiness.
PRAYING? Sign of good faith.
CHOOSING ME? Well, that's a sign of good taste.

All is Well

If you move and act like you're happy, you begin to think happy thoughts. amazing but true. Motion creates emotion. So get up, smile and say "Thank God! All is well."

No Reason to Stay Bad

They will always be reasons to BECOME SAD, but there will never be reason to STAY SAD.

FRIENDS

In life you'll find special people who changes your life just by being part of it; Who makes you laugh until you can't stop; Who makes you believe that there is good in the world; Who convinces you that there is unlocked door waiting for you to open it; They're called FRIENDS.

Time Is The Greatest Gift

The greatest gift you can give to someone is your time because it's like giving a portion of your life that you can never get back.

Who Telled You?

DODONG: Hoy Bugoy! bagsak ka raw sa English?!

BUGOY: Who telled you?

Your Life's Change Forever

You meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you met one person and your life was change FOREVER

Sino Magmamaneho?

DRIVER: May checkpoint po sa harap, pakiusap lang po yung mga pangit bumaba na po.

PASAHERO: Oh tapos kuya, sino na magmamaneho ngayon?

Already Been Said

Of all goodbyes, the one that hurt the most was the one your ears never heard of, yet your heart knew it's already been said.

Wala Ka Bang Nanay?

BOY: Ikaw lang ang babae sa buong buhay ko.

GIRL: Bakit wala ka bang nanay?

Look At The Bright Side

Life is hard because we see the obstacles, not the goals. Life is painful because we see the tears, not the smiles. People are rejected because we see their faults, not their righteous deeds. People are weak because we see their failures not their success. Look at the bright side of things and this world will be worthwhile to live in.

Make The Work Worthwhile

If there's something better than giving others the best of what we have, it is giving others the best of who we are. Remember: Good persons are like streetlights along the road. The don't make the distance shorter; but they light up the path and make the walk worthwhile.

More Than A Frog

Sometimes true love turns out to be a lie and the prince turns out to be nothing more than a frog.

What Men Enjoy

FACT:
Men enjoy looking at other women who are dressed in a manner that expose all their assets, but he doesn't like his woman dressing like that.

Never Judge

Never judge someone lalo na kung..
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audience ka lang!

AFFECTION not PERFECTION

Never go away from a person when you find some faults. Always remember that in every relationship, you need AFFECTION not PERFECTION.

Crazy About Each Other

"They didn't agree on much, they fought all the time, they challenged each other everyday, but in spite of their differences; they had one thing in common - they were crazy about each other." - The Notebook

Tamang Hinala

Hindi pagsusupetsa ang pinakamasakit sa lahat. Kundi ang matuklasang TAMA ang iyong HINALA.

I Love you baby

Love isn't always hugs and kisses. It's knowing that you and him can fight and argue and an hour later you both say, I love you baby.

Mississippi

In a bus, a lady hears 2 Jamaican men engaged in an animated discussion:
"Emma cums first, then i cum, then 2 asses cum togeda. i cum once-a-more, 2 asses cum togeda again. i cum again and pee twice, then i cum 1 last time."
LADY: You foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed! In this country, we don't speak aloud about sex lives in public places!
JAMAICAN: Hey, coola down lady. Who talkin bouta sex? Imma just telling ma friend how ta spella Mississippi.

Change Topic

BROCOLLI: I look like a tree.

MUSHROOM: I look like an umbrella.

WALNUT: I look like a brain.

BANANA: Change topic!

My Name Is GOSSIP

My name is gossip. I have no respect for justice. I maim without killing. I break hearts and rush lives. I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age. The more I am quoted, the more I am believed. My victims are helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have no name and no face. To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become. I am nobody's friend. Once I tarnish reputation, it is never the same. I topple governments and wreck marriages. I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion. I make innocent people cry in their pillows. even my name hisses. I am called GOSSIP.

The More It Kills You

We need to be open of what we feel. Denying is not the best way to escape cause the more you hide the more it kills you inside.

His Plans Are The Best

If there is something that your heart desires, just ask God to guide you for the decision you need to take. It's either He will help you to achieve it if that's really meant for you or will teach you to accept that His plans for you are still the best and let you realize things you need to learn to be a better person.

Like a Cactus

Loving someone who doesn't love you is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on, the more it hurts.

The Best Thing

Don't lose heart if love seems to be arriving a little late. The BEST thing comes to those who wait.

The Best Thing

Don't lose heart if love seems to be arriving a little late. The BEST thing comes to those who wait.

Only Exception

Nothing lasts forever. But who knows, you might be the only exception.

Indoor Roller Coaster

Living in God is like riding indoor roller coaster. We do not know how it will be, but we know how we will always be safe.

Smile

Do you know the most beautiful attire ever? It's a smile. Always wear your smile.

Chances Are Limited

Pencils are made with erasers to give second chance but the real logic is, eraser on the pencil was made small, for you to remember that chances are limited.

Respect

Being nice to someone you don't like isn't FAKE. It is called RESPECT!

The Seeds We Sow

It's a story about a man browsing in a store, who was shocked to see God selling.

MAN: Lord, what are you selling?

GOD: Whatever your heart desires!

MAN: I want happiness and freedom for me and the whole world.

GOD: (smiling) I don't sell frutis here, only SEEDS.

Galatians 6:7

"Whatever a man sows, he will reap."

LESSON: The seeds we sow today determine the kind of fruit we will reap tomorrow.

That's a Skill

It's easy to be nice with the people you like. But being nice to the people you hate, that's a skill.

Ang Kaibigan

Ang KAIBIGAN:
SINUNGALING pero di ka ipapahamak.
MAYABANG pero di ka huhushagan.
MAANGAS pero kaya kang ipagtanggol.
SWAPANG pero kaya kang pagbigyan.
PALAHINGI pero marunong pero bumawi.
ALASKADOR pero marunong magmahal.
ULYANIN pero di ka kakalimutan.
Yan ang kaibigan! Di man perpekto, pero TOTOONG TAO!

The Greatest Man

The greatest man in history: JESUS
Had no servants, yet they called Him Master. Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battle, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. Feel the HONOR to serve such a Leader Who Loves Us perfectly.

Let Me Stay Motivated

In tough times, LORD, let me stay motivated and calm. Let me look at how far I have come, rather than how far I still have to go. Let me continue counting my blessings and not what I have been missing. May everyday bring new chances to grow new beautiful things to see, new plans to do, new goals to pursue , as every new day is God's miracle day.

Mistakes

Mistakes makes us identify what we lost and what we took for granted. They make us realize that sometimes there's no such things as... Later, Next time, And second chance...

Walk by Faith

God has a perfect plan for our lives; He never does it all at once, just step by step because He wants to teach us to "WALK BY FAITH not by sight"

The Meaning Behind It

Love isn't just about the words but the meaning behind it. It's not just 'You can trust me.' but 'I'll never make you doubt.' Not just  'Take care.' but ''Let me take care of you. Not just 'I'm sorry.' but 'I'll never hurt you again.' Not just 'I'm here.' but 'I'll never leave you.' Not just 'I promise.' but 'I'll do it.' Not just 'Don't worry.' but 'I'll never give you a reason to worry.' and not just 'I love you.' but ''Life has no meaning without you.

Hindi Ako Salamin!

GIRL: Mister ang panget mo!

BOY: Excuse me miss! Hindi ako salamin!

Sa Puso Mo

GIRL: San ka na?

BOY: Sa puso mo.

GIRL: Kaya pala nahihirapan akong huminga. May bwisit na nakabara!

Friends Lang Tayo

LOLO: Pwede iremove kita sa friends list ko sa FB?

LOLA: Huh? Bakit naman?

LOLO: Sakit kasing isiping friends lang tayo.

Who You?

Si boy nakipagbreak kay girl

BOY: Ayoko na! Break na Tayo. May iba na akong mahal.

GIRL: WHO YOU?

I Get Disturbed

A cute quote said by a good friend, "I don't care when you disturb me BUT I get disturbed when you don't disturb me."

5 Pearls of Wisdom

1. Money can't buy happiness but somehow it's much more comfortable crying in Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the fucker's name.
3. Help a man when he's in trouble, and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but neither does milk.

Having YOU

A cup from starbucks...
The hottest car model...
Endless shopping...
The grandest house...
an iMax ticket...
The coolest Nokia phone and iPod...
Cruisin around Venice...
All sounds damn great, right? Still, something is better than all this summed up...What's that?
Having YOU to share...
A cup of gulaman and isaw...
A long jeepney ride...
Pirated DVD marathon...
A picture, a song...
An overnight in a friend's crib.
And the memories of a lifetime friendship.

Transformers

A happy life transformer quote:
"Be an optimist prime, not a negatron."

The Best For Us

God has made life so good that even if we don't get exactly get what we want, we realize that what He has given us is actually the best for us.

The Woman..

"The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before. " - Albert Einstein

The Best Example

If you encounter so much pain because of the person you loved the most, you will learn to love your friends so much and discover the reality that friendship is the best relationship and the best example of love.

To Pass Them On

The simplest way to please God it not to repay all the blessings we receive from Him but to pass them on. Giving is not emptying one's resources but making room for fresh refill of God's grace. May we always be gracious in giving and be of joyful and loving heart.

SCIENCE TRIVIA

Did you know that GRAVITY is stronger at morning?



It is proven in the fact that, "ANG HIRAP BUMANGON!"

If There's Nothing Wrong

"If there is nothing wrong in the world, there wouldn't be anything for us to do." - George Bernard Shaw

Dear Ma'am

Dear Ma'am,

Di porke parepareho kami ng sagot ay nagkopyahan na kami.
May tamang sagot ba na iba-iba ?
Sorry kung parepareho din mali namin .
Iisa kase ang takbo ng puso at isip namin XD

nagmamahal,
estudyante..

An Umbrella We Can Share

I don;t have the capacity to paint the skies blue when the dark cloud sets in, but I do have an umbrella, we can share in case those raindrops fall.

Saying...

Sating that someone is ugly doesn't make you prettier.
Saying that someone is dumb doesn't make you smarter.
Saying bad things about a person doesn't make you any better.
It actually makes you less than half of what that person is.

Parang Orasan

Sana ang pag-ibig parang orasan laging pakanan...




hindi nangangaliwa...

Kamukha Mo Misis Ko!

Misis: Lolokohin ko mister ko, magpapanggap ako na prosti dito sa
kanto. Timing (dumaan ang mister nya...)

Misis: Pogi! available ako ngayon, pwede ka ba?

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Mister: Yoko sayo...kamukha mo misis ko!

May Sariling Dahilan

Kapag nagmahal ka dahil sa itsura & pananamit niya.
-ATRAKSYON yan.

kapag nagmahal ka nmn dahil sa maganda nitong katawan & makinis na balat.
-PAGNANASA yan.

kapag nagmahal ka dahil macpag o matalino sya.
-PAGHANGA yan.

Pero kung nagmahal ka & di mo alam ang dahilan kung bakit.
-PAG-IBIG yan.

Dahil ang pag ibig ay may sariling dahilan na di natin maintindihan.

Parang Rainbow

Ang taong malayo pero importante sa'yo ay parang rainbow. Minsan mo lang nakikita, pero pag nasilayan mo napapangiti ka.

Pen Pen De Sarapen (Bekimon Version)

pen pen de chorvaloo
De kemerloo de eklavoo
Hao hao de chenelyn de big yuten
Sfriti dapat iipit
Goldness filak
chumochorva
Sa tabi ng chenes
Shoyang fula, talong na fula
Shoyang fute, talong na mafute
Chuk chak chenes, namo uz ek.

INAGAW

Bakit nawawala sa'yo ang isang bagay?

Una, pinabayaan mo.
Pangalawa, hindi talaga para sa'yo.
Pangatlo, pinamigay mo.
At ang masama, INAGAW sa'yo.

NPA

ARMY: Manong saan ba dito nagpupugad ang mga NPA?

MANGYAN: Sir matagal na ako dito sa bundok, pero wala pa akong nakikitang pugad ng NPA. Ano ba kulay ng itlog nila sir?

Mabilis

TEACHER: Juan, kapag tinanong kita dapat mabilis yung sagot mo ah.

JUAN: Yes ma'am!

TEACHER: Ok, 1+1?

JUAN: MABILIS!

Stress, Fear, Panic

What's the difference between stress, fear, and panic?

STRESS - is when your WIFE IS PREGNANT.
FEAR - is when your GIRLFRIEND is PREGNANT &
PANIC - is when BOTH are PREGNANT.

Destiny is Written

They say your destiny is already written. But sometimes, you just have to grab a pen and become the author of your life.

3 Ways To Die

3 easy ways to die:

1. Puff a cigarette daily. (You will die 10 years early.)
2. Drink alcohol daily. (You will die 30 years early.)
3. Love someone who doesn't love you back. (YOU WILL DIE DAILY)

Paubos na!

Ang tunay na lalake







PAUBOS NA!

Aanhin ang Kagandahan at Kagwapuhan?

Aanhin pa ang kagandahan kung ginagamit lang naman sa kalandian? At aanhin pa ang kaguwapuhan kung ginagamit lang naman sa kataksilan?

Any Questions?

I wish that every heartache would be a lesson, and hope that ex-partners are like professors who will say, "Any question before we MOVE ON?"

Lie To Rihanna

If you're gonna lie, lie to Rihanna because she loves it! And I don't!

Like a Book

Be careful in judging a person with your own opinion, because sometimes just like a book, you might be surprise you have the same contents.

Homework Definitions

FACT
You know the FULL LYRICS of over 100 SONGS,
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But can't remember 25 HOMEWORK DEFINITIONS.

Barbie Doll

Mukha kang BARBIE DOLL, and just like her, maganda ka nga, PLASTIK ka naman.

What It Would Be?

"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?"
Alice in Wonderland

Quotes To Live By

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the piegon; some days you're the statue.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

we see things..

""We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." - Anais Nin

Nothing Wrong

"There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in."  - Chris Colfer

A Very Sad Story

A very sad story.

Boy: Magdodota ako ha.
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Girl: No.

Ikaw ang Naiiba

Girl: uy! alam mo, sa lahat ng nanliligaw sakin, ikaw lang ang naiiba...

Boy: (kinilig..) wow! ayyieee.. talaga? swerte ko pala.. ako lang naiiba! :">

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Girl: OO! ikaw lang WALANG PAG-ASA!!

Parang Tsinelas

BOY: Ang pag-ibig ko sayo ay parang tsinelas..

GIRL: Bakit naman?

BOY: Kasi..San ka man pumunta, Handa akong matapakan, masugatan, at madumihan..

maingatan ka lamang :)

Ito Pala Gusto Mo!

Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo!

Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa!

Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo!
(nangulangot)
Oh.. Ayan na!

Kamusta?

Sa C.R.

Pumasok sa banyo ang isang lalaki..habang naka-upo na siya may nagsalita sa kabilang banyo...

TAO1: Pre, kumusta?

TAO2:(sumagot) Ok lang...

TAO1: Ano gawa mo dyan?

TAO2: Eto. Dumudumi..Di na makayanan eh...

TAO1: Pre tawag na lang ako ulit sayo. May sagot kasi ng sagot dito eh. Di naman kinakausap..

Bat ang Piloto?

Boy: Maga-apply po sana akong seaman.
Captain: Marunong ka bang lumangoy?
Boy: Hindi po.
Captain: Oh, edi hindi ka pwede? Hindi ka marunong lumangoy tapos magsi-seaman ka?
Boy: Oh bakit, ang piloto ba, marunong lumipad?

Take a Bullet For Her

Boy: Hey, hon!
Girl: Hey.
Boy: I missed you at school today. Why weren’t you there?
Girl: Yeah, I had to go to the doctor.
Boy: Oh really? Why?
Girl: Oh, nothing. Just some annual shots, that’s all.
Boy: Oh.
Girl: So what did we do in math today?
Boy: You didn’t miss anything that great, just a lot of notes.
Girl: Ok, good.
Boy: Yeah.
Girl: Hey, I have a question…
Boy: Ok, ask away.
Girl: ….how much do you love me?
Boy: You know I love you more than anything in this world.
Girl: Yeah…
Boy: Why did you ask?
Girl: …>silence<…
Boy: Is something wrong?
Girl: No. Nothing at all.
Girl: …how much do you care about me?
Boy: I would give you the world in a heartbeat if I could.
Girl: You would?
Boy: Yeah of course I would. >sounding worried< Is there something wrong?
Girl: No, everything’s fine…
Boy: Are you sure?
Girl: Yeah.
Boy: Okay…I hope so.
Girl: ……….would you die for me?
Boy: I would take a bullet for you anyday, hun.
Girl: Really?
Boy: Anyday. Now, seriously, is there something wrong?
Girl: No, I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re fine. Everyone and everything is fine.
Boy: ……okay.
Girl: ….well, I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.
Boy: Alright, bye. I LOVE YOU!
Girl: Yeah…I love you, too. Bye.
THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL:
Boy: Hey, have you seen my girlfriend today?
Friend: No.
Boy: Oh.
Friend: She wasn’t here yesterday, either.
Boy: I know. She was acting all weird on the phone last night.
Friend: Well, dude, you know how girls are sometimes.
Boy: Yeah, but not her.
Friend: I don’t know what else to say, man.
Boy: Okay, well I gotta get to english. I’ll see ya after school.
Friend: Yeah I gotta get to science. Later.
THAT NIGHT:
-ring-
-ring-
-ring-
Girl: Hello?
Boy: Hey.
Girl: Oh, hi.
Boy: Why weren’t you at school today?
Girl: Uh, I had another appointment with the doctor.
Boy: Are you sick?
Girl: ……..um, I have to go. My mom’s calling on the other line.
Boy: I’ll wait.
Girl: It may take a while. I’ll call you later.
Boy: Alright…………I love you.
>very long pause<
Girl: (with a tear in her eye) Look, I think we should break up.
Boy: What!?
Girl: It’s the best thing for us right now.
Boy: Why??
Girl: I love you.
-click-
THE GIRL DOESN’T COME TO SCHOOL FOR 3 MORE WEEKS AND DOESNT ANSWER HER PHONE.
Boy: Hey dude.
Friend: Hey.
Boy: What’s up?
Friend: Nothing. Hey…have you talked to your ex lately?
Boy: No.
Friend: So you didn’t hear?
Boy: Hear what?
Friend: Um, I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you…
Boy: dude, what the hell just tell me!
Friend: Uh….call this number…433-555-3468
Boy: Ok…
BOY CALLS NUMBER AFTER SCHOOL
-ring-
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Voice: Hello, Suppam County Hospital. This is Nurse Beckham.
Boy: Uh, I must have the wrong number. I’m looking for my friend.
Voice: What is their name, sir?
(boy gives info)
Voice: Yes, this is the right number. She’s one of our patients here.
Boy: Really? Why? What happened??? How is she???
Voice: Her room number is 646 in building A, suite 3.
Boy: WHAT HAPPENED!?!?
Voice: Please come by, sir, and you can see her. Goodbye.
Boy: WAIT! NO!
-dial tone-
BOY GOES TO HOSPITAL, AND TO ROOM ..646, BUILDING A, SUITE 3. GIRL IS LYING IN THE HOSPITAL BED.
Boy: Oh my God, are u okay??
Girl: ………………
Boy: Sweetie!! Talk to me!!
Girl: I……….
Boy: You what?? YOU WHAT???
Girl: I have cancer and I’m on life support.
Boy: …………………>breaks into tears<………………….
Girl: They’re taking me off tonight.
Boy: Why??
Girl: I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t .
Boy: Why didn’t you tell me????
Girl: I didn’t want to hurt you.
Boy: You could never hurt me.
Girl: I just wanted to see if you felt about me the same as I felt about you.
Boy: …?
Girl: I love you more than anything. I would give you the world in a heartbeat. I would die for you and take a bullet for you.
Boy: (crying)
Girl: Don’t be sad. I love you and I’ll always be here with you
Boy: Then why did you break up with me?
Nurse: Young man, visiting hours are over.
The boy leaves and later that night the girl is taken off of life support and dies, but what the boy didn’t know is that the girl only asked him those questions so she could hear him say it one last time. She only broke up with him because she knew she only had 3 more weeks left to live and thought that it would cause him less pain and give him time to get over her before she died.
NEXT DAY
The boy is found dead with a gun in one hand and a note in the other.
THE NOTE SAID:
“I told her that I would take a bullet for her, just like she said she would die for me.”

Rocky Road

BOY1: Alam mo yang kilikili mo parang cake.

BOY2: Bakit?

BOY1: Parang Black Forest!
...
BOY2: Ah, ganon ba? Yang mukha mo naman parang ice cream!

BOY1: Natutunaw?

BOY2: Hindi, Rocky Road!

Open-minded

Pasyente: Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon sa ulo ko? Halos kita na utak ko .
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Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded.

The kind of guy we most likely want to be with:

The kind of guy we most likely want to be with:

He knows how to make you laugh even though you’re trying your best to ignore him.
He always surprises you with simple things.
He loves taking pictures of you and, taking pictures of the both of you.
He’s not too much addicted in playing computer games.
He always finds time to be with you.
He texts you early in the morning just to say “good morning *insert your nicknames here*”
He calls you because he misses you.
He’s good in socializing with your friends and even your family.
He will buy a sanitary napkin for you in the store even though it’s embarrassing for him.
He’s good in school. Good in sports.
He knows how to dress properly and not the “jejemon” style.
He carries you in his back.
He will do everything just to prove to you how much he loves you.

BUT YOU FORGET ABOUT THIS THINGS WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE 'CAUSE YOU'LL START TO LIKE or LOVE WHAT HE REALLY IS. Ü

Minahal mo rin Siya

Huwag mong lait-laitin ang ex mo dahil minsan sa buhay mo

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Minahal mo siya ng lubos at totoo =)

Aanhin mo ang Palasyo

Aanhin mo ang palasyo kung walang internet connection dito?

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Mabuti pa sa bahay kubo na sa wifi zone nakapwesto!

HAPDI

"HAPDI"

yan ang tawag kapag ang ipapasok mo ay kalahati lang..

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example:

"bosz pde po ba akung magHAPDI today?"

Panakip Butas

Wag mong lagyan ng band aid ang sugat mo kung dumudugo pa ito.

MAKE SENSE:
Wag kang maghahanap ng panakip butas kung alam mong mahal mo pa siya.

10 questions without answers

10 questions without answers:

1. Does jennifer love hewitt?

2. Where did rachelle anne Go?

3. Why is chris brown?

4. Where did sandara park?

5. Is chow yun fat?

6. What did henry sy?

7. Did jordin sparks?

8. When will orlando bloom?

9. What is victoria's secret?

10. What does david cook?

I really dont know the answers, & i'm sure wilma doesnt to.

Mistakes in the Dark

Teacher: Give me the opposite of this sentence.

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“CHILDREN IN THE DARK MAKES MISTAKES”

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Juan: "Mistakes in the dark can make children.”

Ang Crush

Ang CRUSH ay isang PAGHANGA...
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Minsan NAWAWALA,
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BOYS;)

BOYS ;)

1.They care for you.
2.They stole your heart slowly but surely.
3.They broke your heart into pieces BUT STILL GIRLS CAN STILL LOVE THEM WITH THAT BROKEN PIECES.
4.They melt you with their fuckin’ sweet words.

When they are in love with you, they make sure that they won’t break your heart girls.

MGA GUSTO NG ANAK MARINIG MULA SA MAGULANG NILA

MGA GUSTO NG ANAK MARINIG MULA SA MAGULANG NILA

1. Nak, gising na! pero kung antok kapa, tulog ka muna

2. Oh? san ka na naman pupunta? Oh, eto pera, text mo ko kung kulang pera mo.

3. Ba’t amoy alak ka? Teka! Kukuha ako ng mouthwash

4. Umaga na a? ba’t ngayon ka lang? Matulog kna dun, puyat ka

5. Ang bababa naman ng grades mo, nak. Okay lang, may next sem pa naman.

Hindi Inaabuso Ang Babae

Ang tunay na lalaki,

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hindi inaabuso ang babae kahit alam niyang patay na patay ito sa kanya.

Happiness...

Happiness is not seen on how many times you smiled but it is finding that sensible reason every time you do so.

Tayo Na Ulit Please?

BOY: Tayo na lang ulit oh, please!
GIRL: Bakit may mababago ba pag nakipagbalikan ako sayo?
BOY: Meron promise! swear!
GIRL: Ano?

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BOY: Babaguhin ko na apelyido mo.

Wag na nga Lang!

GIRL: I need space.
BOY: (umusod ng unti) oh yan space!
GIRL: I mean maghiwalay na tayo!
BOY: Oh sige, diyan ka dumaan sa kaliwa, dito ako sa kanan.
GIRL: Ano ba?!
BOY: Anong ano ba?
GIRL: Ayaw sa'yo ng mama ko!
BOY:  Mas lalo naman ako! Di ako pumapatol sa matando no! Kaw talaga hon. Loko!
GIRL: BREAK NA NGA KASI TAYO!
BOY: Oh eto skyflakes, ikagat mo ang break mo.
GIRL:  Leche! Wag na nga lang!

Bluetooth VS. Wifi

A girl is like a bluetooth. You are next to her, she stays connected. You go away, she finds new devices. A boy, however, is like a wifi. Many devices can connect to him as long as he is not secured.