Ayoko Na!

Nagdesisyon na si Girl na makipagbreak kay Boy. Tinext niya si Boy.

Girl: Ayoko na. Di ko na kaya. Break na tayo.

Boy: Hu u po?

Aanhin Mo Ang Lambing

Aanhin mo ang LAMBING nya sayo ..
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kung malambing din naman sya KAHIT KANINO.

What If?

Girl: What if there's another girl that loves you the way I love you?
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Boy: She may love me the way you do, but I'll never love her the way I love you .

Anesthesia

I wish that LOVE goes just like what the dentists say:

" Sabihin mo lang kung masakit na..
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Lalagyan natin ng anesthesia "

Polluted!

Kung legal lang ang magsunog ng plastic na tao, .
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for sure polluted na ang mundo !

Manhid Na Babae

Alam niyo ba kung bakit may MANHID NA BABAE?
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dahil sa MANLOLOKONG LALAKI.

Sweetest Thing

The sweetest scene you could ever witness on Earth is watching the one you love sleeping...
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and keeps saying your name right beside you..

Pano Mo Pinatay Yung Rapist?

Pulis: Lola, bakit nyo po pinatay yung rapist?

Lola: Tarantado yun! Aba, Matapos ako ihiga at hubaran, biglang tumayo atsinabi...
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Joke lang po Lola! Mano po!"

Diba nakakag*go? Eh serious kaya ako, nakapikit pa nga ko e.

Sakit!

May isang Pinoy na nagpunta sa States para dun magpagamot ng masakit nyang ari
Sa ospital...

Dok: Is it painful when i touch your pen*s?

Pinoy: Sakit dok! Sakit!

Dok: You pervert! Suck it yourself!

Buhay Pa Ako

Doctor: Misis, Wala na ho kaming magagawa. Talagang wala na po ang iyong mister.
Mister: BUHAY PA AKOOOOOOOOOO!

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Misis: Oh! G*go! Sabi na nga ng Doktor patay ka na diba? Mas marunong ka pa sa kanya? Pumikit ka na nga. Nagpapansin pa eh.

We're Not Stupid

Yeltsin: We are the first person in space.
Clinton: We are the first on the moon.
Erap: We will be the first to land on the sun.
USA: You can’t land on the sun, its too hot.
Erap: You know, were not stupid, we gonna go there at night.

What Would You Be Expecting?

Question and answer portion!

Host: Miss Bulgaria!

Miss Bulgaria: Yes?

Host: How old are you?

Miss Bulgaria: Im 20 years old.

Host: What would you be expecting after 5 years?

Miss Bulgaria: I`d be 25.

Kapatid Ko Ba Si Ninong?

Isang limang taong gulang na bata ang nagtatakang lumapit sa ama at nagtanong..

BATA: Tay , kapatid ko ba si ninong?

AMA: Hindi anak.. Kumpare ko yun? Bakit mo naman naitanong?

BATA: Kasi po tay, nakita ko si ninong, dumedede kay nanay!

Diyaryo

NEWSBOY: Dyaryo kayo dyan! Dalawang Bading ang naloko! Diyaryo! Diyaryo!

BAKLA: (Tadtad ng make-up ang mukha!) hi! pabili nga ng dyaryo! Magkano?

NEWSBOY: Twelb pesos po

BAKLA: (ginalugad agad ang Dyaryo!) Hoy! wala naman akong mabasang dalawang bading na naloko dito ah!

NEWSBOY:(Biglang sumigaw) Dyaryo! Dyaryo!Tatlong Bading ang naloko! Dyaryo kayo dyan!

Ouch

BOY at GIRL nagkita sa PARK.

GIRL: May gusto ka ba sakin?
BOY: Wala.
GIRL: Ouuuccchhhh.

Napaiyak ang GIRL.

BOY: Oh bakit ka umiiyak?
GIRL: Wala ka kasing gusto sakin eh.
BOY: Hindi mo naman kasi natanong kung mahal kita.
GIRL: Mahal mo ba ako?
BOY: Hindi rin.

Di Naman Atin

Mag AMA nkasakay s barko.
Bglang bumagyo.

Anak: Tay! Nag aalala po ako. Parang lulubog ang barko.

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Tatay: Ba't ka mag aalala eh, 'di naman atin ito!

Fairy Tales

If CINDERELLA'S glass slippers fit perfectly, why did it fall off along the way? Maybe it speaks about 1 important thing: Ang LANDI nya iniwan-iwan niya para habulin siya.

Little MERMAID gusto lang magka legs para MAKABUKAKA.
SLEEPING BEAUTY nag tulog tulugan para lang mahalilkan.
SNOW WHITE nag patay patayan para gapangin.

Panisn mo puro kalandian lang turo ng mga fairy tales.

Buti pa si DORA pagalagala lang.

Happiness Can Cause Death

xbf: Do you have any idea what would happen to you if i die??
xgf: I might also die..
xbf: (blushes) Why?

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xgf: Sometimes too much happiness can cause death.

Singles

Singles... Keep your heart happy and stay positive! Believe, somewhere someone is looking for exactly what you have to offer.

Gentleman

A Boy makes his girl jealous of other beautiful girls. A Gentleman makes other beautiful girls jealous of his girl.

Like Swimming

You want something but you don't want to try. It's like you want to swim without getting wet.

There's Always a Villain

It's a real world. No glass shoe. No seven dwarfs. But there's always a villain who wants to destroy your life.

No Response

It's better to just quietly miss someone, rather than let them know and just get no response.

Love is like a FLU

Love is like the FLU, and that's a good thing! Because when you have it, you know it.

Waiting For The Right One

"Waiting for the right one" is an excuse for those who aren't brave enough to try. Make up your mind! Step forward!

Believe It Is

Life is disappointing if you keep on thinking it is, but life is exciting when you always believe it is!

Tough Times

Tough times come and go, always remember: "No storm last forever, and when it's gone there's beautiful weather!"

Magkano Po?

Bata: Ale! Ale! Meron po kayong tigpi-pisong candy?

Tindera: Meron, baket?
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Bata: Magkano po?

San Mo'ko Hahalikan?

bf and gf talking

GF: kung bibigyan ka ng chance na halikan ako, saan mo ako hahalikan?

BF: Smiled and answered..
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SA SIMBAHAN..

Buksan Ang Ilaw

Guro : Mga bata, alam niyo ba kung ano ang dapat gawin pag may lindol?

Juan : Buksan po ang ilaw!

Guro : Bakit?

Juan : Kasi po sa bahay kubo namin, madalas lumindol kapag gabi, pero pag-switch ko po ng ilaw, biglang tumitigil!!!

Paris

Vice ganda at isa pang bading nag papayabangan.

Bading: Graduate ako sa UST!!
Vice ganda: Eh ako graduate sa PARIS!!
Bading: PARIS??? Eh di ba FEU ka lang??
Vice ganda: Oo nga FEU.... PARIStern university!!! Wag kang tanga!!

Teka GM Muna Ako

Holdaper: Holdap to. bigay mo cellphone mo. Bilis!

Babae: Ha? Ai wait ha? iGi-GM ko muna na ikaw na gagamit neto.

Holdaper: Ok. Take your time.

Wala Sa Sarili

GIRL: Hoy. Bat parang wala ka sa sarili mo??

BOY: Ha?

GIRL: Nakatulala ka kasi.
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BOY: Wala ba ko sa sarili ko? Check mo sarili mo baka nasa iyo ako.